Needs and Wants

Last week was one where the epic struggle between needs and wants was particularly hazy.  As you could probably assume, having a husband in school and a wife at home has required some creative working of our finances.  We live very simply and go without a lot of the things that our friends enjoy in order to leave this season of our lives with the lowest amount of debt possible and without taking on other forms of assistance.  Every family in our situation must decide what combination of options is the best fit for them, but that is the nutshell version of how we have decided to operate financially at this time.

Most of the time, this works out just fine.

And then we'll have a week like the last.  It started with my phone completely dying its ultimate death; no resuscitation possible.  Jonathan went to the AT&T store for me, and just as I had hoped, he looked into the possibility of an iPhone.  As attractive as they are, the overall long-term cost of ownership is just not reasonable for us right now.

Later that afternoon, Jonathan's ancient car started having trouble, requiring a repair that he has already done multiple times this year.  We have been trying to keep this car running on its last leg until graduation at least, but these recurring issues are a constant reminder that his little death trap needs to go.

We sat in the living room that afternoon, Jonathan huffing and puffing over his car as I silently stewed over my lack of a phone while Googling "Actual Cost of IPhone Ownership."  In that moment, it felt like we were the only people in the world with ancient cell phones and junked-out cars.  I felt wronged and entitled to have what I wanted, in that very instant, regardless of the long term cost to my family and our financial health.  

I looked up at Jonathan and said, "When Riggins wakes up, let's just go to the AT&T store and get two iPhones, and then go to the car dealership and get a new car.  Okay?"

And what is nuts is that we could have done it.  Someone at the AT&T store would have been happy to convince us that we were settling into a very manageable monthly plan for iPhones.  Someone at the car dealership would have been happy to sell us a car with a reasonable financing option.  We could have easily ended that day with exactly what we wanted.  It doesn't matter to them that we are expecting a second child, anticipating a move, hoping to buy our first home, beginning a new career, and starting student loan payments, all of which make our financial future a bit of a wild card.

Luckily, my husband is not as easily swayed by material frustrations as his weaker wife.  He bucked it up, did some Googling and You Tube-ing, and marched outside to spend three hours fixing his car.  He then called a friend who had recently gotten a new phone and asked if we could use his old one (THANKS, COOKES!!!).  Within a day, he had a functioning car and I had a functioning phone.

God provided for our needs, and isn't that all we should ever want?

I'm not sure why I am sharing this today.  I suppose every blogger worries a bit about portraying an image of herself that isn't totally accurate.  While you don't want to air all of your dirty laundry on the internet, you also don't want to give the impression that everything is peaches and cream all the time either.  So I suppose I just wanted to let you all know that sometimes I can be a spoiled brat.  Sometimes I can happily support my husband through this time of living simply and have a genuinely joyful heart, and sometimes I feel jealous and entitled and frustrated, like we are constantly a step behind everyone else.  Sometimes sacrifice is gracious and easy, and sometimes it just plain hurts.

We had an interior designer come speak to our MOPS group last semester.  One little nugget she shared is that your home is a lot like your engagement ring.  To some, it will be too big and extravagant.  To others, it will be too small and simple.  Those differences will be there for the rest of our lives, and we must learn to live contentedly within that spectrum.

So the moral of today's story?  You are ok.  Apartment or mansion.  Simple band or huge rock.  Death trap Honda or Mercedes Benz.  Pitiful Nokia or iPhone 4s.  Make the choices that you and your family will not regret, and learn to rest in the provision of God for each season of your life.