The Great Divide

Well, folks, the Great Divide of infant independence has begun.  Riggs has officially moved from his cradle in our room to the crib in his nursery across the hall.

About a month ago, Jonathan asked me when we would move Riggs to his crib.  Since I had a big trip to Oklahoma planned for the first week of August--during which he would be sleeping in a pack and play in my room--I told him that we would make the transition after our trip.

Wouldn't you know that on the night before our departure, I had a slight freak-out moment upon realizing that if that were really the plan, this would be my last night to have my itty bitty baby sleeping next to me in his sweet cradle.  It wasn't anxiety or fear that got me...just sadness.  The realization that this was just one of many milestones that Riggs will be accomplishing, and that each of those transitions will take him further and further away from me.  Which is the entire point, right?

But still.  Ugh.

So upon returning from Oklahoma, we enjoyed one last night with Riggs by my side, just a glance away.  You know, for old times sake.  I had to admit that he is getting heavier to lift and that I now have to sit all the way up in bed just to lean over and pick him up.  And that we are both being awakened by noises that are difficult to ignore when just a foot away, but that don't necessarily indicate a need to be fed or soothed.  And that it might be nice not to tiptoe through our bedroom as we get ready to hit the sack ourselves each night.

He has spent the past two nights in his crib and it has gone okay.  The first night I made the mistake of keeping his door shut and leaving the monitor volume too low.  By the time I heard him, he had probably been crying for a good stretch of time and was really worked up, making it that much harder to get him back down after nursing.  So last night I bumped up the volume a bit and was able to get to him before he completely lost it, feed him, and put him right back down with no trouble.  Much better.

Somehow I can't seem to move that cradle out of our room just yet.  We need the space, but that makes the transition much too official.

Baby steps, baby steps.

Three Months

(Disclaimer: I have a 3 month photo and that I would have added to this post, but dufus here left her camera case, USB cord, and memory chip in Oklahoma. I'll post his 3 month picture and lots more when I get those in the mail!)

July 29, 2010

Sweet Riggins,

You are THREE months old today! When I think of the past month, it can best be summed up with one word: JOY. You have moved beyond simple smiles to huge grins that light up your entire face (With DIMPLES too! Sigh...), squeals of happiness, coos of contentment, and gasps of air that indicate your readiness to let out a big belly laugh. Your little personality is really beginning to develop, and it is impossible to describe the pure joy that your are bringing to our lives.

At three months, we have scientifically determined that you weigh about 13 pounds (calculated by Daddy weighing himself on the bathroom scale with and without you!) and measuring about 24 inches long. Still a string bean baby! You are wearing Size 1 diapers and both 0-3 and 3-6 month clothing, depending on the outfit. You eat every 3 hours or so, and you move effortlessly between nursing and taking bottles. Although far from consistent, you take good naps on most days. The "45 Minute Intruder" struck this month and has definitely tried my patience! You do pretty well at night--usually only waking once to eat--and have even had several nights this month where you slept through the night.

This month was full of several adventures! We celebrated your first Fourth of July with a party at our house; you hung out in the Moby Wrap like the perfect little host! We also celebrated your daddy's 31st birthday on the 9th, complete with a homemade card with your hand prints.

We ventured to Conway, Arkansas, to attend the wedding of two dear friends, and your Grammy and Grampy drove down from Fort Smith to babysit you during the festivities.

Other highlights this month include a visit from your Uncle Todd, your first non-family babysitter, and a trip to Hope and Magnolia, Arkansas to meet your Great-Great Aunt Francille.

Some of your favorite things this month are your Bumbo seat, Baby Einstein DVDs, your play gym, your Baby Einstein "Take Along Songs" toy, and of course bath time. You love to just sit in your Bumbo or lay on the floor and "talk" to anyone who will chat with you. Your little voice is so cheery and it perfectly matches your laid back, happy personality (despite the evidence of the more contemplative photo below!). You have pretty impressive neck and leg strength and love to "stand" on our laps. Still no rolling over (you have done it once, but I think it was just luck because it hasn't happened again!) but you are definitely working those legs and arms in that direction!

You are such a sweet little guy, Riggins, and staying at home with you has been the most fun I have ever had! According to more seasoned parents, each stage just gets better, but I have to say that this age is pretty great! You have all the squishy snuggliness of an infant with the growing personality of an older baby; such a great combination! I am trying my best to just soak you up, freezing the moments in my mind and trying to be fully present in each day that I am blessed to share with you. They are already speeding by far too quickly.

I love you, little boy of mine, and I am so very proud to be your mother.

With all my heart,

Momma

Uncle Todd!

We had a very special visitor last week! Jonathan's brother, Todd, made the trek from Oklahoma to spend a little time with his favorite nephew.

They checked each other out...

Got to know each other... (And what do you know??? They share the same favorite football team! Boomer Sooner!)

Had a few laughs... (Thanks to Riggs' ability to pass gas with the volume and duration of an old obese man)

And had a few snuggles too...

I'd say these two are going to have some fun in the years to come!

Tuning it Out

Before Riggins was born, one of my concerns was how well Jonathan would handle all of the crying. The guy hates crying, yelling, and loud conflict of any kind. For example, I am pretty much forbidden to watch Wife Swap or Super Nanny because the entire basis of those shows is yelling and crying. It just grinds his gears, so to speak.

Unfortunately, when you have a newborn baby, screaming and crying are not optional. (And let's face it...we're not just talking about the baby here! ;) I worried that it would all stress Jonathan out during the day and completely wreck his sleep at night, a real problem when you have to get up the next day and be responsible for someone's eyesight.

Well, folks...have no fear, because once he is off to Sleepytown this guy can't hear a thing! It has become quite the joke in our family, so don't worry...he won't be offended by this post! Allow me to tell you about a couple of my favorite "Jonathan Can't Hear the Baby" moments.

(Riggs is making a funny serious face here...like he is too cool to be taking pictures on the side of the highway in Arkansas...but I think Jonathan looks hot, so I posted it anyway :)

SleepyDeaf Hubby Story #1

It is the wee hours of the morning. The baby has been crying for awhile, and I am sitting up in bed, holding the screaming little dude and attempting to soothe him back to sleep. Weber is zonked out at the foot of the bed, Jonathan zonked out next to me. He has class the next morning, so I feel bad actually waking him, but if he happened to wake up and offer to help I would not refuse.

He stirs. My heart soars.

I will be rescued!!!

He rolls over. I can already hear his sweet sleepy voice telling me to rest, sweetie, go back to sleep...let me take it from here! I start thinking how nice it will feel to close my eyes...

And that is when he sits up.

Yes! Freedom! Sleep!

He leans over. Grabs the throw from the edge of the bed.

Covers. Up. The. DOG!

And rolls over, dead asleep once again.

SleepyDeaf Hubby Story #2

Same setting. Hubby, sleeping. Weber, sleeping. Riggins, crying. Me, bouncing, shushing, swaying, nursing. Hoping that Jonathan will wake up to help, yet hesitating to wake him myself since he has clinic the next day and needs to be able to tell the difference between an eyeball and a nostril.

He stirs.

Still not learning my lesson, my hope swells once again. My Deliverer is Coming!!!!

He stands up!

This is promising, people! He is OUT of bed! Which means he is going to walk around the bed, grab the screaming baby, and...

Turn. Up. The. FAN!

To drown out the noise of his squawking firstborn son!!!

And within seconds, his zombie-like body walks back to the bed, crawls in, and is gone in seconds.

Conclusion

You would think that I would be mad at the end of each of these scenarios. But I'm not. I think it is the most hilarious thing I have ever seen! For the life of me, I wish I knew what was going on in his brain when he wakes, hears a baby screaming, and then chooses to soothe the dog or drown out the noise. Cracks me up!

And for the record, my man is SUPER helpful during the day, and if I really hit my limit at night or in the morning, he will help. It just requires some good pinching and talking like a bad American tourist in a foreign country. You know...if you talk real loud and real slow they are going to understand English, even if they know nothing but Mandarin? [i.e. JONATHAN. I. NEED. YOU. TO. STAND. UP. AND. TAKE. THE. BABY.]

And if it ever does get the best of me, all it takes is watching him have shirtless Dude Time with my baby and all is right with the world again.

Instincts.

Call it evolution, survival of the fittest, mother's instincts...

But last night, I experienced for the first time what happens in the mind, heart, and body of a mother who believes that her baby is in danger.

And it was not pretty.

Riggs is still sleeping in a cradle next to our bed, thus allowing us [and by us, I mean ME...but that's another post!] to hear every little peep out of our wee babe's mouth. And out of other orifices, but that too is another post.

For the most part, when this little guy wakes up in the night, it begins with a coo here or a grunt there, gradually working up to a real cry if I don't answer him soon enough. But last night was different.

Riggs went down around 8 p.m. Jonathan gave him a "dream feeding" before we hit the sack at 11 p.m. And then, at 1:30 a.m. we were awakened by the most horrible sound I have ever heard in my life. My baby, screaming a scream I had never heard before.

There was no lead-in, no warm-up, no warning. It was at a pitch, volume, and duration that was unmatched in his almost-3-month life. It was a scream of terror and pain that no shot or gas bubble had ever brought out of my little boy.

I instantly sat up, and for an instant I was frozen, staring down at my little baby just screaming, that's when I noticed Jonathan looking over my shoulder, just as terrified. He snapped-to first, and told me to pick him up. And that's when my instincts kicked in.

I scooped up my baby, clutched him close to my body, and then searched him all over. By this point, the scream had stopped with a quick inhale of his little breath, and there was a pause before he dissolved in the saddest cries I have ever heard. He was so, so scared.

And so was I.

That's when I heard Jonathan's voice saying, "Breathe, Leslie...just breathe and he will breathe with you." Sure enough, as I held him close, Riggins and I both relaxed.

It was only then that I realized that my body had immediately gone to a place it had never been before. My heart was racing. My breath was short. My mouth was dry. My entire body was hot and sweating. My eyes were full of tears. I felt like a wild animal, completely brought down to the most basic level, only caring about making sure my baby was safe.

Before long, Riggs settled down and went back to sleep. And I just laid there, still shaky, still worrying, still thinking about what a bizarre feeling that was.

In some ways, it reminded me of the little scare that I had during pregnancy. There are just certain moments when it hits me that I am his mother and that at the very core of my being is an instinct that I will never understand: a desperate desire to keep my baby safe, healthy, thriving, happy. And when that gets threatened, you do not want to mess with the part-Mama Bear, part-Jack Bauer combo that is gonna get unleashed on your tail. ;)

[Speaking of threatened, you will all be glad to know that we now have a peep hole, thanks to my dear hubby and brother-in-law. Handy guys, those two!]

And now for the comments...have any of you moms had an experience with an infant screaming bloody murder out of nowhere like this? It almost reminded me of the night terrors that I studied back in my psychology days. I have almost laughed about it several times today in retrospect, and I would pay good money if we had video of Jonathan and me in that moment, but I am still kinda curious about what would cause such a thing. Sleep-cycle disturbance, perhaps?

Do tell...

Stranger Danger

The life of a new Stay at Home Mom is fraught with dilemmas. When will I shower? Will I shower? Wake the baby or let him sleep? Let the baby cry or bounce and swaddle and shush and sway until we both achieve sanity and relaxation? What to cook for dinner? Where was that take-out menu again? What is my phone number and address?

Ok, joking about that last one. Kinda.

But last week brought up a new dilemma that I was not prepared for: the stranger at the door.

Riggs was napping and I was going about my daily business when I heard a knock at the door, and then the doorbell. Weber, who rarely barks unless there is someone outside, began barking her head off, and I instantly cringed at the thought of her waking the baby. {Note to self: make "baby sleeping, please do not ring doorbell" sign.}

A friend had mentioned stopping by to drop something off, so I opened the door, but it was not my friend. It was a man in somewhat shabby clothes, asking if I had any work for him and his sons to do to earn a bit of extra money.

Now here is where it is handy to have a dog. Random people who knock on my door tend to be a bit afraid of her (She expertly intimidated a Jehovah's Witness visitor last month, leading them to shove a pamphlet to me through the crack in the door and scurry away down the drive. Weber got a treat for that one.) and this gentleman was no exception. He said, "Oh don't let the dog out," which gave me the excuse to talk to him through a crack in the glass door.

I told him that I didn't have any work for him and suggested that he check with our neighbor across the street who has a huge garden, and the church on the block. He told me that he had already checked, that he and his boys had been turned out of their apartment that morning, and that they were desperate for a bit of work. Oh, and did I mention that it was a good 96 degrees or so outside?

As I shut the door, I realized that this was one issue of stay-at-home-motherdom that I had not been prepared for. What's a woman at home alone with a baby to do? We don't have a peep hole, and none of our windows give me a good view of who is on our stoop. I would want to help someone in legitimate need, but that is an impossible assessment to make and definitely not worth the risk when you consider how easy it would be for a situation to go very bad, very fast.

I think my hubby is going to install a peep hole, but I'm curious...do any of you seasoned stay-at-home moms have experience with strangers at your door? What is your rule of thumb for handling these situations?

Two Months!

June 29, 2010

Dear Riggins,

You are two months old! When I was pregnant, everyone warned me how fast time would fly once you arrived. They were right! Those early days of having you home with us now seem like such a blur, and we are finally finding our groove as a little family of four (including Weber, of course!).

The biggest development of the past month has been your sweet smile. It first crept up at around 6 or 7 weeks, but in the past week you have really started to work the charm! You are particularly happy on your changing table, on your play mat, and with your Daddy. This past weekend as he held you, you gave him smile after smile and I think he just about melted on the spot. And this morning, when I heard you stirring in your cradle and peeked down on you, you made eye contact with me and burst into a grin. What a way to start the day! You have the cutest little dip in the center of your gum line, which makes for an irresistible little smile; I might even be sad when you grow teeth because I will miss this gummy grin!

You are happiest on your changing table, and we'll often spend several minutes there after you've been changed just so that you can kick, coo, and smile. Bath time is still your favorite time of day, and it has become the first step to our bedtime routine each night. You have also started to love your play mat this month and are beginning to kick and bat at the colorful toys that hang above you. Music never fails to capture your attention, and on days when you are fussy we often turn the radio to the oldies station and have a dance party! You instantly chill out at the sound of music and the rhythm of my movement, and we have ourselves a good old time just cutting a rug in the living room! One of my favorite memories was when "We Are Family" came on the radio during one of our dance parties. You have made us a family, Riggs, and I am so thankful.

You still love to be in the Moby Wrap or Baby Bjorn, and those contraptions are such a relief when you are fussy! And just like your Daddy, you adore being outside. We have spent many evenings just walking around the neighborhood or the yard, sitting on the back patio, or swinging on the front porch swing just because all of those things make you so happy. One funny memory with "wearing" you was the time that you continued to cry after being wrapped up in the Moby, which is not normal. I looked down and moved the fabric to see what was wrong, and that was when I saw your foot sticking up by your head! We had wrapped you up with your leg straight up...oops!

You are a loud little guy, always grunting and cooing, and you have impeccable timing for interjecting these noises into moments of silence. When we take you to church, you are completely silent through the praise and worship, but as soon as the pastor says, "Let's pray," you let out a boisterous "Hmmmmmmmm!" that makes everyone in the surrounding aisles giggle. You've done the same in the public library as well, earning us the evil eye from a librarian. Your dad always says that if grown ups made as much noise as you do when going to the bathroom, public restrooms would be pretty awkward places! When you sneeze, you tend to shout, and you often prepare to sneeze and then give a loud "Hooooooo" instead of actually sneezing. It is one of my favorite noises now that you're finding your voice!

At your 2 month appointment you weighed 9 pounds, 15 ounces and measured at 23 inches. You are 80th percentile for height and 22nd percentile for weight, basically making you a string bean baby! Everyone who sees you comments on how long and lean you are, and I'm interested to see if you'll end up being a tall drink of water like your Grampy Mark. Your build makes clothes a bit difficult: your torso is long, making you fit into 0-3 month clothes for length, but then the actual body of the outfit ends up looking big on you! You transitioned into size 1 diapers this month. You are still nursing every 2 1/2 to 4 hours, from one side for about 30 minutes, but you also take bottles (3-4 oz.) from your dad like a champ! At night, you go down around 8 pm, get a bottle from Daddy before we go to bed, eat again at around 5 am, and then sleep til 7:30 or 8 am before getting up for the day. You are a pretty good napper, but when you decide to fight it you can really hold out!

You have been busy this past month! You have been on two road trips to Fort Smith, once to meet your Uncle Ramsey and Aunt Ashley and once to attend my 10 year high school reunion. You travel very well in the car and did great when we left you with my parents for two nights in a row when your dad and I went out for my reunion festivities. You toured my high school and met three of my best friends: Meredith, Julie, and Abby. While in Memphis you have made many trips to the Farmers Market, the U of M, Fellowship church, Levitt Shell, the public library, Target, and SCO to visit Daddy at school. You also helped Daddy celebrate his first Father's Day!

Though we have our hard days when you are fussy and decide that naps are no fun, most days with you feel so easy and natural. I sometimes have a hard time remembering what it was like to get up, go to work, and sit at a computer or in meetings all day. Our days together seem to fly by, so different from the expectations I had as I prepared to stay home. You keep me on my toes, and when I'm not feeding you, changing you, soothing you, or playing with you, I am scrambling around trying to fit as much as I possibly can into a nap time! I feel so blessed to have this opportunity to spend these days with you.

So, baby boy, it has been another great month with you in our lives. I get sad to think that you will never be this small again, but when I see the hints of personality and activity creeping up I get excited to think of the little boy you are becoming. We are going to have some fun, little man!

I love you with all my heart,

Mama