Lullabies, Loosely Translated

My husband has a beautiful singing voice. He pretty much came from the VonTrapp family: they all sing, play instruments, and sing four-part harmony at family gatherings (thank goodness for my one year in the high school choir that taught me the alto line of "Silent Night" and "Joy to the World!"). He sang in a men's choir all through college and has sung at more weddings than I can count.

As you can imagine, I had sweet daydreams about hearing my husband sing our new baby to sleep with his dreamy voice, perhaps even accompanied by the guitar. Wouldn't that just be lovely?

In those first couple of weeks with Riggins, we definitely endured our stretches of newborn crying. We traded off soothing duties, taking turns bouncing, swaying, shh-ing, swaddling, and singing our little man to eventual sleep.

I was enjoying a break from the crying and Jonathan had taken over with Riggs in the nursery. Suddenly, I heard his booming voice--much more theatrical than his typical singing voice--coming down the hall...

"Ooooohhhhh, I wish I was in the land of cotton, old times there are not forgotten! Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land!"

Ummm....ok.

When this stirring rendition of my high school fight song died down, there was a brief pause before the next song began...

"Fat bottomed girls, you make this rockin' world go 'round!"

And after that...

"Aisha, you were the girl that I never had, and I want to get to know you better...Aisha, you know I want you so bad...."

Followed by the entire Boyz II Men repertoire, complete with the deep-voiced talking parts.

Not exactly the sweet, soothing lullabies I had in mind, but desperate times call for desperate measures. If you're going to be singing to a crying baby for hours on end, you might as well entertain yourself!

And speaking of entertainment, one of my husband's other talents is the ability to make up songs on a whim with perfect melodies and rhyme. I'm convinced that he could make a good living as a jingle writer. Of course, Riggs has become the beneficiary of a few personalized tunes. My personal favorite is an R&B number about feeding, including this line:

"R-I-Double G, give me those Double-Deeeeeeeeees!"

I tell you what...this parenting thing is pretty fun, especially with this guy. It is hard to cry in frustration when you're too busy laughing over songs you haven't heard in ten years and raps about your chest.

The Weepies

Now that I am coming out of the haze of the first month with a newborn, I want to start sharing some thoughts on this new thing in my life called motherhood. With no further ado, my first topic: The Weepies.

So I had a baby. And I was thrilled about it. Elated. Ecstatic.

And then, out of nowhere, the roller coaster of emotions went from the highest high to a gut-punching low. The dips would come within minutes, with no warning, and while I could feel it happening I was powerless to stop it, powerless to fake it. Before long I would be engulfed in tears. Not just "Oh, what a beautiful moment...[insert glistening eyes here]" tears. But weeping, sobbing, ugly cry tears.

I felt like a lunatic, sitting there in a hospital room full of family members, or on the couch at home with my husband and new baby, and just sobbing my eyes out for no good reason at all. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't resist it. I was just sad. And I had to cry.

Most of the time, I could not pinpoint a cause for my emotions other than a raging tide of postpartum hormones. If there ever was an impetus, it was usually the overwhelming realization of how fast everything was passing me by.

Pregnancy was fast.

Our time in the hospital was fast.

Our time with our parents was fast.

Riggins is going to grow up fast.

Life is going to go by fast.

And those thoughts would come at an irrationally fast clip, leaving me in tears within seconds. Though I had read enough pregnancy books to know that these emotions were hormonal and normal (and enough blogs to know that I was not alone), I still felt absolutely crazy. I was thrilled to be a mother, head-over-heels for my baby, and felt pretty confident about caring for him. But in the midst of it all, I just felt sad. And I just had to cry. A lot.

Thankfully, I have a precious husband and family who reassured me that it was ok--necessary, no less--to cry, even about nothing at all. Within a week, I was able to pinpoint a few things that would be essential for me: visitors, outings, and walks around the neighborhood. Each time I enjoyed one of those things, I noticed an improvement in my mood, and I began to have hope that my personal variety of the "baby blues" would probably improve sooner than later and not fall into the postpartum depression category.

One thing that got me through those complex feelings during that first week was that I knew of at least one person, a fellow blogger, who had opened up about her postpartum weepies (Hi, Whitney!). Knowing that I was not the first to experience these feelings made me feel a little less crazy! As a result, I committed to writing about this as soon as I could so that I could give other expectant moms a heads-up about this potential after-effect of labor and delivery. Warn your husband that it is a possibility, and prepare yourself for these feelings if they come your way. You are normal, and they will subside! If they don't subside after two weeks, contact your OB or pediatrician for help. But most importantly, let yourself go there. Sit down and have a good sob about nothing. Don't try to push it away, because it will come out eventually!

And when it doubt, a good snuggle with your newborn works wonders too.