21 Months

January 29, 2012

Dear Riggins,

Your 21st month seemed to fly by, and here we are halfway through February and I am just now sitting down to write your letter!  It has been a wonderfully uneventful month spent enjoying an unseasonably warm winter.  Our weeks have a fairly consistent routine: on Mondays we go to the grocery store, and then you and your friend Isaac take turns playing together while his mommy and I get a break; on Tuesdays, we attend our church's women's Bible study, which you hate; on Wednesdays, we go to BSF, which you love; on Thursdays, we rotate between MOPS, story time at the bookstore, or running errands; on Fridays, we usually hit up the zoo or children's museum.  After lunch and nap, we play in your room, read books, go to the playground, or make a quick trip to the zoo.  Lately, Daddy's schedule has allowed him to come home for lunch a few times a week, and he will often take you and Weber for a run.  You love getting Daddy time in the middle of the day!  

You continue to amaze us with your rapidly expanding vocabulary.  Your favorite phrase these days is "Oh no!"  You also say "Love you!" often accompanied by blowing a kiss.  And you have extended "Bless you!" beyond the sneeze and now say it any time you hear someone blow his nose.  You finally started saying "milk" this month; for the longest time you have held out and continued to use the sign for that word, but now you say "nowk!"  My other favorite phrases are "Hep, pees!" when you need a hand and "Hep mama" when you want to help me in the kitchen on your step stool.

Physically, you continue to demonstrate what it means to be "all boy!"  We recently attended a little girls' birthday party where you were the only boy; as the girls all huddled around the birthday girl watching her open her presents, you proceeded to tear around the room in the background, examining all of her toys and attempting to dismantle her kitchen set.  Such a difference!  Running and jumping are your preferred modes of transportation, and you have demonstrated some impressive climbing skills this month.  I have found you on top of the kitchen table, in your high chair (impressive since we have a high bar-style table and chairs), and most recently on top of our very tall bed.  You've added to your repertoire of dance moves by learning how to spin, which you like to end with a dramatic fall to the ground; quite the party animal!

A few unattractive habits have developed this month, namely screaming and hitting.  We are working on those!  When you get hurt, mad, or frustrated, your first reaction is to hit whatever is in your line of fire, which is typically me.  It must be hard to feel so many strange emotions, and Lord knows if it were socially acceptable for grown ups to hit and scream we would all be doing it too!  But little by little you are learning that just because you feel like hitting or screaming doesn't mean you should.  We'll get there, buddy!  (In the meantime, I'm getting pretty awesome reflexes for snatching your little hand before you make contact, and the neighborhood dogs are refining their super sonic hearing with your high-octave screams.)

Favorite things continue to be Nigh Nigh the blanket, Hippo, choo choos and tractors, bath time, Starfall, "shows" (Thomas the Train, Let's Build, or Praise Baby), your new rocking horse ("Neigh"), music, reading books (Corduroy and A Mother for Chaco have been favorites this month), kissing "baby" in my tummy, jumping on the bed with Daddy, and eating fruit, cheese, and Kashi bars ("cookies").  You dislike going to bible study, pizza, putting on your coat, and generally not getting your way (but who does like that, really?).

You have given me the sweetest gift in the last month or so.  We worked very hard early on in your life to establish good sleeping habits, and I am so thankful that we did.  I definitely still enjoyed my snuggles and rocking, but we put you down for most naps and bedtime while you were drowsy but still awake.  For a long time, that meant that once you got sleepy, you were ready to be put in your crib.  But in the last month, before your afternoon nap, you have fallen asleep in my arms; you typically make it through one story and fall asleep during the second, or as I sing to you.  In these last few months with you as my only child, it has been such a treasure to enjoy getting to hold my sleeping baby again.  You still go down like a dream when this doesn't happen, but on the days it does I just soak it up!

You are such a fun kid, Riggins, and have such a tender heart.  We love you, of course, but we also like you a whole lot too.  We are savoring these last months with you as our only child, and we look forward to seeing what a wonderful big brother you will be!

Love,
Mama

Needs and Wants

Last week was one where the epic struggle between needs and wants was particularly hazy.  As you could probably assume, having a husband in school and a wife at home has required some creative working of our finances.  We live very simply and go without a lot of the things that our friends enjoy in order to leave this season of our lives with the lowest amount of debt possible and without taking on other forms of assistance.  Every family in our situation must decide what combination of options is the best fit for them, but that is the nutshell version of how we have decided to operate financially at this time.

Most of the time, this works out just fine.

And then we'll have a week like the last.  It started with my phone completely dying its ultimate death; no resuscitation possible.  Jonathan went to the AT&T store for me, and just as I had hoped, he looked into the possibility of an iPhone.  As attractive as they are, the overall long-term cost of ownership is just not reasonable for us right now.

Later that afternoon, Jonathan's ancient car started having trouble, requiring a repair that he has already done multiple times this year.  We have been trying to keep this car running on its last leg until graduation at least, but these recurring issues are a constant reminder that his little death trap needs to go.

We sat in the living room that afternoon, Jonathan huffing and puffing over his car as I silently stewed over my lack of a phone while Googling "Actual Cost of IPhone Ownership."  In that moment, it felt like we were the only people in the world with ancient cell phones and junked-out cars.  I felt wronged and entitled to have what I wanted, in that very instant, regardless of the long term cost to my family and our financial health.  

I looked up at Jonathan and said, "When Riggins wakes up, let's just go to the AT&T store and get two iPhones, and then go to the car dealership and get a new car.  Okay?"

And what is nuts is that we could have done it.  Someone at the AT&T store would have been happy to convince us that we were settling into a very manageable monthly plan for iPhones.  Someone at the car dealership would have been happy to sell us a car with a reasonable financing option.  We could have easily ended that day with exactly what we wanted.  It doesn't matter to them that we are expecting a second child, anticipating a move, hoping to buy our first home, beginning a new career, and starting student loan payments, all of which make our financial future a bit of a wild card.

Luckily, my husband is not as easily swayed by material frustrations as his weaker wife.  He bucked it up, did some Googling and You Tube-ing, and marched outside to spend three hours fixing his car.  He then called a friend who had recently gotten a new phone and asked if we could use his old one (THANKS, COOKES!!!).  Within a day, he had a functioning car and I had a functioning phone.

God provided for our needs, and isn't that all we should ever want?

I'm not sure why I am sharing this today.  I suppose every blogger worries a bit about portraying an image of herself that isn't totally accurate.  While you don't want to air all of your dirty laundry on the internet, you also don't want to give the impression that everything is peaches and cream all the time either.  So I suppose I just wanted to let you all know that sometimes I can be a spoiled brat.  Sometimes I can happily support my husband through this time of living simply and have a genuinely joyful heart, and sometimes I feel jealous and entitled and frustrated, like we are constantly a step behind everyone else.  Sometimes sacrifice is gracious and easy, and sometimes it just plain hurts.

We had an interior designer come speak to our MOPS group last semester.  One little nugget she shared is that your home is a lot like your engagement ring.  To some, it will be too big and extravagant.  To others, it will be too small and simple.  Those differences will be there for the rest of our lives, and we must learn to live contentedly within that spectrum.

So the moral of today's story?  You are ok.  Apartment or mansion.  Simple band or huge rock.  Death trap Honda or Mercedes Benz.  Pitiful Nokia or iPhone 4s.  Make the choices that you and your family will not regret, and learn to rest in the provision of God for each season of your life.

Early to Rise

For quite some time now, I have been hearing the value of rising before your family members from several sources.  Before I had children and was struggling to balance working long and keeping up our home, my friend Keely mailed me a great book called Side-Tracked Home Executives.  One of their big recommendations is to wake up just a bit before your family members to get yourself together before beginning the day.  I took a lot of their advice, but not that tidbit.

Once I began to stay at home with Riggins, I found another good resource in The Fly Lady and her concept of routines.  She too advocates for rising before your family, and while I implemented a lot of her ideas--specifically the morning and evening routines--I just never could bring myself to get out of bed before being awakened by those first cries of "MAMA!!!" from the nursery.  I love to sleep, and I rationalized that because I have a small child and am now expecting again, I needed that extra bit of sleep.  Which is true to some extent, and for some seasons of life, but I think I used that excuse a bit more often than necessary.

I'm not sure what clicked in me in the last few weeks, but I had a few mornings where I happened to wake before Riggins and actually get out of bed instead of laying there and falling back asleep.  Those random days were so drastically different than our typical days that it motivated me to establish this new habit.  So for the past two weeks, I have set an alarm and gotten out of bed before my boys.

People...it is changing my life!

Those wise women actually knew what they were talking about when they dished out this advice, and I am truly seeing the results in myself, in my home, and in my family.  I am not doing anything crazy.  I'm not getting up and running 5 miles, cleaning my house, and reading an entire book of the Bible before my household stirs.  I'm just getting up a smidgin earlier, leaving time for a quick shower and getting-ready routine, and a cup of tea while reading Jesus Calling and doing as much of my BSF lesson as I can get done before Riggs wakes up.

And that's where the difference comes in.  When he wakes up, I'm ready for him.  I'm excited to see him.  I'm not begrudgingly staggering to his room, annoyed that he woke up 10 minutes earlier than usual.  I'm not grabbing his cup of milk and plopping myself in front of the Today Show, willing myself to move and trying to keep Riggins happy long enough for me to see that interesting next segment.  I'm not trying to get ready while he gets frustrated that he can't hop in the shower with me or drop my hairdryer in the toilet.  

And it isn't just the mornings that are different.  Something about getting my day started on the right foot has made it easier for me to keep the rest of the day going with the same attitude.  I have the motivation to get my routine chores done in the morning, which leaves the rest of the day for whatever we want to do.  And nap time can then be truly whatever I want it to be, rather than crunch time for doing everything I should have done earlier.

Jonathan came home last night to a tidied house, a happier kid (because I had been proactive with my time, which left more time for focused attention to him), a happier wife (because I took a guilt-free nap in the afternoon), and dinner on the table (because the Fly Lady morning routine has you think about dinner in the morning).

He said, "So is this getting up earlier bit just a fluke or a new habit?"

"I'm trying to make it a new habit.  I really feel like it makes a difference for me."


He smiled and said, "Well it really changes the entire feeling of our home when you do."

Wow.  Now if that is not motivation to keep this thing going, I don't know what  is.

Of course, I'm going to go have another baby in 2 1/2 months and shoot this new habit to smithereens, but at least I have had enough of a taste of what a difference it can make that I will have some incentive to get back into this groove as soon as I can.

If you're looking for a little fire under your tail to get your life and home in order, I recommend checking out The Fly Lady.  It's a bit on the cheesy side, and her recommendations can be a bit overwhelming, but the basic routines that she recommends can really kick start some good changes.

And just for fun, here's a little picture that has been making me smile these days...

Miss Tennessee, Times Two

I just have to give a little shout-out to two great girls, one of whom has a really big night ahead!  When I worked at the University of Memphis, I advised the Panhellenic Council, which means that I oversaw all of the sororities and the committee that made decisions on their behalf.  Through this role, I was fortunate to build relationships with lots of really outstanding college women.  Two of them have had the year of their lives serving my adoptive state of Tennessee this year, and I am just so proud of them I could burst!  

What is really crazy, as those of you who were in sororities will understand, is that these girls came from the same sorority and the same pledge class!  I'm sure they could probably hold some sort of record, because I can't imagine that this happens very often.  

Erin Hatley is Miss Tennessee 2011, and tonight she will compete for the title of Miss America!  I am having a few of my former students over to watch, because it is just so fun to actually know someone in the competition.  (And it is a really good excuse to make dessert!  Now that I think about it, the combination of sitting on my pregnant bootie while eating dessert and watching beautiful girls in swimsuits might not be a great idea, but I'll take one for the team!)  

Ashley Durham was Miss Tennessee USA and was named first runner-up at the Miss USA Pageant, which you might have watched.  She rocked it!  

Pageant girls tend to get a bad wrap, and while I'm sure there are many girls out there who live up to the stereotype, these girls are far from it!  If you ran into Erin or Ashley on the U of M campus, you would probably find them in a t-shirt, ball cap, and no make up.  They are both smart cookies who work hard to serve their University and their community.  They have not had everything handed to them on a silver platter, and they've worked their (very in shape) tails off to get where they are.  And most importantly, they care about the people in their lives and are tremendously thoughtful and genuine about their relationships.  These girls even helped throw me a baby shower and bought me baby gifts!  

I can beam with pride as I watch them on stage because I know that they are more beautiful on the inside than they are on the outside.  I know that these pageants are going to help them pay for college.  I know that Ashley's year as Miss Tennessee USA has catapulted her into a busy, successful modeling career, but that between flights to Chicago and South Beach she is hitting the books to graduate on time in May.  These girls are the type of student that kept me going when I was working with students who were sometimes entitled, lazy, and self-absorbed.  And it is just really fun to see them shine.  

Watch for Erin tonight as Miss America is broadcast on ABC at 8pm Central time!  

The Pretty Woman of the Technology World

I had a Pretty Woman moment yesterday.  You know, one of those moments when you enter a place of business and have a very clear feeling that you do not belong.  Granted, I wasn't wearing thigh-high boots and a one-piece outfit with the sides cut out, but I definitely felt that way!  (And now let's all try to put the mental picture of a pregnant Leslie in Julia Roberts' "lady of the night" outfit out of our minds.  You're welcome.)

The power cord to our MacBook was no longer working, and since I am in the middle of a calligraphy job and the bride's guest list is on my computer, it was pretty urgent that I get a new cord fast.  Since we only have sporadically used Ipods and one MacBook, I didn't even know if we had an Apple Store in Memphis.  After a quick Google search on the last bit of juice left, I located our store and its hours and made plans to stop by first thing on Thursday morning.

Riggins and I made the 25 minute drive in perfect timing to arrive just as the store opened at 10:00 a.m.  I assumed that I would be the lone shopper, as I often am at most stores: the token stay-at-home mom who arrives just as the doors are unlocked, stroller in tow containing a toddler armed with an obnoxious electronic toy and snacks.

And this is where all of you techies will begin to find this story humorous and predictable, but where I begin to be completely shocked.

When we pulled into the shopping center, I noticed a relatively full parking lot, particularly in front of the Apple store.  I also noticed quite a few customers making their way to the Apple store itself.  When I arrived at the entrance, I opened the door to a line of at least fifteen to twenty people, and at the head of the line saw two employees busily punching stuff onto and iphone and ipad.  Behind them, the rest of the store was already full of customers, and at least twenty employees were buzzing around assisting them.

I was baffled.

And that's when I heard the two staffers at the front of the line asking for appointment times.

What!?!  Appointments?  Surely I don't need an appointment to buy a power cord.  And why the line?  Is the iphone 10 coming out today?  (Or whatever number they're on.)  I was so confused.  I didn't know whether to get in line, or to go searching the shelves for a power cord, or to walk out the door and call someone cooler than me to tell me what to do.

And speaking of coolness, let's talk about the fact that every other customer and employee looked very smart and very hip.  And very leery of a pregnant lady with a toddler in a stroller in the middle of a store filled with very expensive electronics.  I stuck out like a sore thumb.  Everyone in line watched as I stood there with my wide load trying to figure out where to go and what to do.  

Finally, the frantic ipad-weilding employee asked if I had an appointment.  I did not, of course, and I panicked inside at the thought of having to wait for an appointment with a toddler.  Luckily, she booked me for 15 minutes later.  As we waited near the "Genius Bar" (really???) for our appointment, I searched the pocket of my diaper bag for my cell phone so that I could text Jonathan and tell him about the insanity that is an Apple Store.

Once I realized that I had left my cell phone on the seat of the car by accident, I realized that it was probably for the best.  The Apple Store was probably not the place to whip out my pitiful Wal-Mart phone that looks straight-up 2002 and doesn't even take pictures.  Yes, it would be best to leave that under wraps and let all these people think that I have an app-laden iphone in that diaper bag.  No need to take the Pretty Woman moment to the next level.

I will admit that the Apple Store provided great service.  Within a few minutes, an employee greeted me for my appointment, quickly determined that I did need a new power cord, and had me hooked up and checked out in five minutes.  No small blessing to a mom.

I returned to the car, called Jonathan, and had a good laugh about the fact that we are not cool enough to shop in the Apple Store.  And unfortunately, until we get a little bump in the income bracket, I don't think I'll be getting the chance to waltz back into the store saying, "Big mistake...Huge!" with my fancy new phone.

But let's face it...even if I did, those cool kids would be like, "Oh...um....that's the iphone 3.  Would you like to look at the new iphone 7?"

20 Months Old!

December 29, 2011

Dear Riggins,

I can hardly believe that we are this close to your second birthday!  With only a few months to go, I figured I would keep the letters coming until the big TWO comes around.  I suppose once you've reached an age that is no longer referred to in months, I can slow down on the letters a bit.  Even so, you change so much each month that I just can't resist logging some memories.

This month had a very distinct theme: CHOO CHOO!  I bought a Thomas the Train DVD for $1.50 at a consignment sale, and for a long time you could care less about it.  Then one day this month, I popped it in, and an obsession was born.  At first you just watched it while I made dinner.  Then you started asking for it after breakfast.  And then we started hearing "Choo Choo!!!" from your crib first thing every morning instead of "Mama!"  On Christmas morning, you wanted nothing to do with your presents; all you wanted to do was watch choo choo.  After trying too hard to push the presents, we finally gave in and decided to just give you what you wanted on Christmas morning!  I can officially sing every line of every Thomas the Train song, and if you ever get upset you will instantly calm down within the first line of "They're two, they're four, they're six, they're eight..." or "Well it's great to be an engine as we're chugging along..."  Lucky for you, Memphis is home to a pretty impressive train system that regularly runs through town, so we get to see real choo-choos pretty often too!

I cannot even begin to list the new words you are saying now, because you can pretty much repeat any word we tell you and you are starting to combine words into short phrases.  Your most impressive selections are "excavator" and "helicopter."  Such a boy!  My favorite new additions to your vocabulary are "love you" and "thank you."  You  now like to combine "love you" with blowing a kiss, especially when Daddy is leaving for work or when we are saying goodbye to Weber before leaving the house.  Such a sweetheart!

You pretty much know all of your body parts and animal sounds, and you can do the motions to "The Itsy Bitsy Spider," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," and "Clap, Clap, Clap Your Hands."  Your climbing ability has increased dramatically, and you have become a fast little runner.  You love motor vehicles of any kind (trains, trucks, tractors, airplanes, helicopters, you name it!), ducks, dogs, music and dancing, helping in the kitchen on your step stool, being outside, and going to BSF.

You wear size 24 month clothes, a size 5 diaper, and a 5 1/2 shoe.  You sleep from 7ish to 7ish each night and take one nap each afternoon after for about two hours.  You are not much of an eater; it isn't really that you are picky, just that you don't care to eat a whole lot.  Favorites are bananas, grapes, cheese, and turkey hot dogs.

The big highlight of this month was the Christmas season.  You loved lights ("yites") and pointed them out everywhere.  You did very well with our Christmas tree and learned to touch but not remove the ornaments.  If the lights were not on, you were quick to ask for "yites!"  Mama Anne brought you a Little People Nativity set at Thanksgiving, and you enjoyed playing with it all month.  You also enjoyed reading special Christmas books, especially The Mitten and Angel Angel.  We traveled to Arkansas for Christmas where you attended the Christmas Eve candlelight service and were awed by the puppet show (yelling "ELMO!!!" to the entire congregation) and Daddy's solo.  We also went to Oklahoma, where you made memories for us all by constantly demonstrating Mama Anne's singing Snoopy doll, running through Myriad Gardens, and flushing a bottle of shampoo down the toilet.

When I think back on this month, I remember lots of joy and laughter.  You are turning into a funny little boy, with a sweet spirit and a stubborn streak.  Spending each day with you is the best job in the world, and I am so lucky to be your mom.

I love you,
Mama

Rhett Matthew

Dear Rhett,

That’s right, sweet boy!  You have a name!  Although Rhett was the front-runner from the very beginning of this pregnancy, it took us a few months to feel like we had considered all of our options.  After a few weeks of “test driving” your name, we are feeling confident that you are our Rhett. 

I wish I could say there was a brilliant story or meaningful connection behind your first name, but there isn’t.  We just really love that it is strong and unique, and I do think it fitting that our second Memphis baby will have a solid Southern name.  It means “counsel or advice,” and I hope that you will grow to respect the wise counsel of others, and become a wise counselor yourself. 


Your middle name was the name of my great-grandfather, Matthew Horn.  He and his family immigrated to the US from Scotland.  Although he was only educated through the 8^th grade and spent his life working in the coalmines of Iowa, he was a strong advocate for the education of his four children and later served as the superintendent of schools.  Aside from his incredible work ethic and desire to better his life and the lives of his children, he loved the Lord and left a long legacy of faith in our family.  I pray that you will grow to embody these characteristics. 

I have officially reached the third trimester of my pregnancy with you, 27 weeks, and you have sure been easy on me!  I have felt great throughout my second trimester.  Continued exercise and keeping up with your big brother have kept my energy up, and my only complaint is some bad sciatic nerve pain that started in the last few weeks.  As for cravings and quirks, I have been drinking huge glasses of milk and putting away lots of grapefruit and cheese!  I've also had a bit more of a sweet tooth than usual.  I can also cry at the drop of a hat over anything and everything.    


Your movements have gotten stronger and more distinct, and you are particularly active first thing in the morning and in the evenings.  I love the distinct feeling of your foot pressing into my side.  My latest ultrasound confirmed that you are growing right on track.  I even got to see your cute little yawn!  Unfortunately, the fluid on your kidneys has increased slightly, so we are continuing to pray that the issue is resolved before your birth.  Until then, I will continue to have regular ultrasounds at my appointments.  My doctor is not worried, just proactive, so I'm thankful for more sneak previews your sweet face!  The scan did show that I am no longer at risk of placenta previa, so that is an answered prayer!   

We are all so excited to meet you, Rhett.  Riggins loves to kiss my belly and say, "Hi Baby," and he can even say your name!  I think "Riggs and Rhett" sound like little partners in crime, and I can't wait for you two to start having fun together.  There are times when your brother is running around the house and I think, "Oh man...soon there will be two of them!" I get a mental picture of Thing One and Thing Two from The Cat in the Hat and I wonder what I've gotten myself into with two little boys!  I will definitely be outnumbered, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  


You are entering our lives during a somewhat crazy season.  About two months after your birth, your daddy will graduate from optometry school and we will move to Oklahoma.  In the last couple of weeks, the reality of the chaos that these transitions will bring has hit me, and I have felt a bit anxious about the timing of everything.  I also feel guilty that the first couple months of your life will be a bit unstable, and not the calm little cocoon to which we brought your brother home.  


Yesterday in church, we sang a song based on Isaiah 43, which says Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.  The chorus of the song simply repeats "Do not fear," over and over again.  The sweet promises of God overwhelmed me, and as the congregation sang I could not hold back my tears.  For the child of God, there is never reason to fear.  I can anticipate your arrival with nothing but joy, knowing that your life was perfectly timed by the ultimate Creator and Planner of all.  He will provide.  He will sustain.  No matter what.  I can't wait to share the sweet assurance of Jesus with you, Rhett, because I don't know how I would live without it!  


We love you so much already, buddy, and can't wait for you to officially join our family this spring!


Love,
Mama