On the L Word

Oh, The Bachelor. I love to watch it. I love to hate it. And the recent spoilers that have been published all over the internet in the past week have only fueled my interest. Mission accomplished, ABC. You've got me in your grasp again.

But as I watched the most recent episode on Monday night, the famous "overnight date" stage of the game, something caught my attention. For those of you who aren't familiar with the show, the final three women go on an overnight trip with "Our Bachelor, Fill-in-his-Name." At this point in the game they tend to feel the need to put everything out on the table. Traditionally, this includes a declaration of love.

[Interjection: I hereby coin a new term. It may already exist, but don't burst my bubble. Ever heard of a DTR? Define the Relationship. You know, that awkward talk where a new couple finally figures out if they are boyfriend/girlfriend, just friends, friends with benefits, etc. Well, I'm going to take it a step further with the addition of a DOL. Declaration of Love. The first time someone drops the L-bomb. Use it in a sentence this week.]

This season's overnight dates were no different. One by one, each bachelorette stared dreamily (or drunkenly) into Our Bachelor Jason Mesnik's eyes and made her DOL...

Jillian: "I'm in love with you"
Molly: "I'm totally falling in love with you"
Melissa: "I love you"

So similar. And yet it got me thinking. Is there a difference between being "in love," "falling in love," and just straight up saying "I love you?" I think there is.

To say that you are in love or falling in love implies that you can get out of it. Ten years down the road...hold up, this is The Bachelor I'm writing about...six months down the road, I guarantee that the break-up conversation will contain the words "I just don't love you," or "I did fall in love with you, but we are in two different places," or any number of other lame, abstract reasons for saying, "Heck, I met you on a reality show! What in the world was I thinking? Get me outta here!"

But to say "I love you" seems a little different. Granted, I realize that many people throw those words around without a thought, often out of manipulation. But assuming that the intention is pure, something about "I love you" is so vulnerable. So permanent. It implies that there is nothing the recipient can do to change your mind. Regardless of whether or not you get the rose at the end of the night, or the ring on your finger, or the perfect dream house, or the 2.5 kids and six figure salary, you are in for the long haul. "I love you" does not give you an out.

I suppose it all comes down to the fact that love as it is represented in our culture, in our world, will always be a distortion of what love really is. The world tells us that love is supposed to make us feel good, to give us what we think we need or want. It tells us that love can fade or disappear on the whim of your current situation or state of mind.

Even in the strongest marriages, that love is only a foggy representation of the perfect love that God has for this world, that Christ has for his Church. Love is sacrificial. It is selfless. It is often not returned, or its return may not look or feel as we would like it to. It is renewed each and everyday, regardless of the wrongs that have been accrued. The love that God has shown to us through his son Jesus is unfathomable to me, and I am only beginning to scratch the surface of how that love is to influence how I love my husband and those around me.

Man, that was quite the dive from shallow to deep! What do you think? Is there subconscious meaning behind a DOL in which some combination of the words "falling" and "in" are added?