The Weepies

Now that I am coming out of the haze of the first month with a newborn, I want to start sharing some thoughts on this new thing in my life called motherhood. With no further ado, my first topic: The Weepies.

So I had a baby. And I was thrilled about it. Elated. Ecstatic.

And then, out of nowhere, the roller coaster of emotions went from the highest high to a gut-punching low. The dips would come within minutes, with no warning, and while I could feel it happening I was powerless to stop it, powerless to fake it. Before long I would be engulfed in tears. Not just "Oh, what a beautiful moment...[insert glistening eyes here]" tears. But weeping, sobbing, ugly cry tears.

I felt like a lunatic, sitting there in a hospital room full of family members, or on the couch at home with my husband and new baby, and just sobbing my eyes out for no good reason at all. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't resist it. I was just sad. And I had to cry.

Most of the time, I could not pinpoint a cause for my emotions other than a raging tide of postpartum hormones. If there ever was an impetus, it was usually the overwhelming realization of how fast everything was passing me by.

Pregnancy was fast.

Our time in the hospital was fast.

Our time with our parents was fast.

Riggins is going to grow up fast.

Life is going to go by fast.

And those thoughts would come at an irrationally fast clip, leaving me in tears within seconds. Though I had read enough pregnancy books to know that these emotions were hormonal and normal (and enough blogs to know that I was not alone), I still felt absolutely crazy. I was thrilled to be a mother, head-over-heels for my baby, and felt pretty confident about caring for him. But in the midst of it all, I just felt sad. And I just had to cry. A lot.

Thankfully, I have a precious husband and family who reassured me that it was ok--necessary, no less--to cry, even about nothing at all. Within a week, I was able to pinpoint a few things that would be essential for me: visitors, outings, and walks around the neighborhood. Each time I enjoyed one of those things, I noticed an improvement in my mood, and I began to have hope that my personal variety of the "baby blues" would probably improve sooner than later and not fall into the postpartum depression category.

One thing that got me through those complex feelings during that first week was that I knew of at least one person, a fellow blogger, who had opened up about her postpartum weepies (Hi, Whitney!). Knowing that I was not the first to experience these feelings made me feel a little less crazy! As a result, I committed to writing about this as soon as I could so that I could give other expectant moms a heads-up about this potential after-effect of labor and delivery. Warn your husband that it is a possibility, and prepare yourself for these feelings if they come your way. You are normal, and they will subside! If they don't subside after two weeks, contact your OB or pediatrician for help. But most importantly, let yourself go there. Sit down and have a good sob about nothing. Don't try to push it away, because it will come out eventually!

And when it doubt, a good snuggle with your newborn works wonders too.