Halfway the Hard Way

Goodness gracious, I am 20 weeks pregnant today!  I'm in that strange land where I feel like I've been pregnant forever and that it has flown by all at the same time.  Honestly, this go-round has been my toughest yet, so I haven't been doing a lot of picture-taking, memory-recording, or reflecting.  I need to change that now that I'm halfway there and (fingers crossed, Lord willing, yada yada) hopefully almost out of the woods of these difficult first few months.  

First bathroom bump pic at around 13 weeks.  

So let's start with the positives.  The baby has been perfectly healthy and the pregnancy itself has been totally boring.  Nothing wrong with the baby or my ability to carry the baby, so for that I am completely grateful.  And, hello, I'm pregnant.  An undeserved gift that I will never take for granted!  

Nevertheless, my wise counselor of a brother-in-law always says that while you can certainly always find someone with a worse situation, it's important not to minimize your own pain.  And, y'all, the last few months have been painful for me.  As I mentioned in my first post about this pregnancy, I have been sicker this time around.  I've always experienced the fairly constant nausea and occasional vomiting, but this time the vomiting was much more frequent.  In early March I had one scary Saturday where I started vomiting from letting my stomach get too empty and then just couldn't stop.  From 3 to midnight I couldn't keep down foods or liquids, and it wasn't a stomach bug; just pure morning sickness.  Thank goodness we have a dear friend who is an OB who was able to give us counsel and recommend an over the counter solution that calmed the nausea and kept us from a trip to the hospital.  

The day before that happened, March 13th, I woke up with red, irritated eyes.  Jonathan brought me into the office and diagnosed classic allergic conjunctivitis.  He and his colleagues got me hooked up with all the best drugs that are still appropriate for pregnant women, and although things got worse before they got better, we started to see improvement.  Then about a week later, I spent some time outside and flared up even worse than before.  For a person who had never suffered from anything allergy related, it was a sudden and extreme reaction.  Jonathan and his partners declared it to be the worst case of allergic conjunctivitis they had ever seen (and these guys have seen a lot of crazy stuff!).  My conjunctiva (the white area of your eye) was swelling up over my iris.  Jonathan took one look through the slit lamp and my sweet minister's son hubby said curse words...that's when I knew it was bad! The really strange thing was that it also affected my lids, making them hugely swollen, puffy, and droopy.  Furthermore, none of the typical meds were touching it, and the slightest irritation would cause another flare up, even with those drugs in my system.  

I can't really explain the pain and discomfort, but it was as miserable as it looked!  I had never experienced anything like it, but if you've ever had significant eye trouble you know if affects everything.  On the worst days it was so disabling that I couldn't drive, go to work, or do anything but lay in bed with ice packs on my face.  On the best days it still made me want to claw my eyes out, and that constant level of irritation made me irritated with everything and everyone.  I was not a good wife or mommy, I knew it, I couldn't help it, and it made me crazy.  I would go several days thinking "Things could be so much worse!  This is temporary! You're ok!  Laugh at yourself!"  And then the frustration and pain would reach a threshold and I'd break down.  In order to resist further flare ups I have not been able to go outside unless absolutely necessary.  Missing out on these beautiful spring days with my boys really breaks my heart!  Not to mention the vanity aspect of feeling like I am getting fatter and uglier by the day, and the guilt and sadness not enjoying what will probably be my last pregnancy.  It has certainly been an exercise in humility and dependence on the Lord and those who love me.  

I finally saw an allergist last week who confirmed our suspicion that this has all been caused by my sudden high exposure to red cedar pollen during a record high year in Oklahoma and my first spring living in a house out in the country surrounded by red cedar.  Combined with the wacky effects pregnancy can have on your immune system, it was the perfect storm for an extreme, severe reaction.  Yay!  He is going to conduct allergy testing next week so that we can start a plan of preventative treatment for the future.  Until then, after avoiding oral steroids out of concern for the baby I reached my ultimate desperation point where something more just had to be done.  We are fortunate to have knowledgable friends in the medical field (we have smart friends, people, and we are so thankful!) who worked together to figure out a med dosage that is perfectly safe for baby and yet packs a punch to kick this junk to the curb!  I am SO DONE!  

But enough of that!  There have still been plenty of bright spots in the last few months!  I started feeling the baby move at around 16 weeks, celebrated Rhett's 2nd birthday, and have continued teaching my class at OBU with an incredible group of students who have been so kind and flexible as I've dealt with all this junk.  They have been such an unexpected joy this semester!  And of course, I still get to spend each day with Riggs and Rhett, who have been so sweet about mommy's "Owie eyes."  And Jonathan...oh my stars...this man wins all the prizes.  As miserable as I have been, I realize that this bump in the road has majorly affected his life as well, and he has risen to the occasion with flying colors.  He has carried more than his fair share of the weight, cooking, cleaning, playing with the boys, doing the evening routine, coming home at lunch to help.  All while providing medical care to me AND all of his patients during some of his busiest months at the practice yet.  Oh, and let's not forget graciously loving a wife who fluctuates between snappy and irritable, optimistic and strong, and depressed and weepy.  

So, I'm grasping for the good stuff, hopeful about this new treatment, and looking forward to a more enjoyable and uneventful second half of this pregnancy!  I've had a few talks with this baby about how mommy is taking one for the team and he better hold up his end of the bargain when he arrives: no colic and sleeping through the night ASAP, please, my darling!  

Photos taken at around 16-17 weeks when I thought I was out of the woods!  Jonathan's practice is a supporter of our public school district's foundation, and we got to attend their annual banquet.  I've also tried to attend Jazzercise when the thought of my face getting hot and sweaty doesn't make me curl up in the fetal position.  

One of the scary photos on the right up top was taken on Thursday.  This picture below was taken this morning, Saturday, after only 3 doses of my current med.  Seeing a huge improvement and praying it lasts!  Also, this is Linda Curry, a dear family friend who made our wedding cake almost 10 years ago.  The other night I confessed a wedding cake craving on Facebook, and this morning Linda rang my doorbell and delivered a wedding cake just for my own indulgence!  (Although Lord knows I'll have to share, or HELLO gestational diabetes!) If that's not the picture of servanthood and using your gifts to minister to others, I don't know what is!  See?  Lots to be joyful about and thankful for. 

Rhett is TWO!

April 5, 2014

Dear Rhett,

Happy birthday, little buddy!  Two years ago you entered the world in a whirlwind, giving me what might just be one of my favorite life moments to date.  You've continued to live up to your grand entrance, bringing lots of humor, passion, and sweetness to our family.  At two years old, you are very sweet, affectionate, and tender-hearted, while also being very spunky, strong, and funny.  You are always up for snuggling, especially after waking up.  You adore your big brother, "Riggy," and we joke that you're on a 15 second delay of doing or saying everything he does or says!  The two of you are becoming such good buds.  Although you are very easy going and sweet, you have quite the temper  once something sets you off!  

 At two years old you weigh 30.5 pounds (75th percentile) and are 36.5 inches long (90th percentile).  You wear size 24 month or 2T clothing, a size 7 shoe, and a size 5 diaper.  You sleep from about 8pm to 7am each night and nap every afternoon from about 1-3 or 4.  We just bought bunk beds so this past week we started trying out the toddler bed.  You're popping up like a jack-in-a-box a few times each night after we put you down, but after that you're out til morning.  You'll get the hang of it soon!  

Like the average toddler, you are a temperamental eater; somedays you are a bottomless pit and will eat anything, and other days you are super picky.  You consistently love cheese, apples, bananas, cereal, Kashi bars, green beans, grapes, tomatoes, mac and cheese, and hot dogs.  You're often heard saying, "NACK!" and you want to be fed as soon as you wake up in the morning, just like your Daddy!  

   

Developmentally, you are quite talkative and have begun stringing together short sentences and repeating everything we say.  You can count to ten and have recently shown interest in learning letters.  My favorite thing is to hear you having conversations with Riggs as you play.  You have a low, raspy voice when you're being serious, and a precious higher voice when you're being sweet or funny.  These days we hear a lot of "no," "me do it!," "hold you," and "mine!"  You also  love to sing!  

 You love to be outside!  I am thankful that our home allows me to let you out in the back yard and still keep an eye on you, and I love to watch you exploring.  You are so content to play on your own out there, just walking the yard, digging in your sand box, rolling your trucks, and riding in the Jeep with Riggins.  You also love listening to music, rolling cars up and down the halls and walls, playing chase ("race me!"), and reading stories.  Favorite books are Pete the Cat, Goodnight Moon, and Llama Llama books.  You also remind me to read our "Bible stowee" every morning at breakfast.  You like to watch TroTro, Daniel Tiger, and Leap Frog shows, and you enjoy big brother's Rescue Bots and Jake and the Neverland Pirates too (the theme song from which you've been known to yell at the top of your lungs through the grocery store!)

Speaking of big brothers, you're going to be one!  We found out in January that a new baby is on the way, and the day before your birthday we found out it's another boy!  Knowing your affectionate and tender heart, I'm so looking forward to watching you as a big brother; I have a feeling you're going to be extra sweet!  I think you three boys are going to be such a gift to one another and I feel so blessed to get to witness the special bond between brothers.  

Rhett, you are such a precious boy.  Everyone who meets you comments on what a sweetheart you are.  Your teachers at church, MDO, and BSF just rave about you every time we pick you up from somewhere, so apparently we aren't the only ones who think you're a little jewel of a guy!  We love you so much, Rhett Matthew, and pray for many, many more birthdays shared together!  

A Good Reason to Blog

I'm not sure if anyone even pops by this old blog anymore, and since I haven't posted anything in a ridiculously long time I sure wouldn't blame you.  There are no great excuses for my absence other than lack of motivation and inspiration to write.  Life is full and when I get bits of downtime I'm content to read the blogs of others and post quick snippets to Instagram.  But a little something has happened in our lives and out of sheer mom guilt I feel the need to keep things equal between our THREE children and blog about it:

It just wouldn't be fair to this little peanut to not get the same Internet introduction as his or her big brothers, now would it?

That's right...Baby #3 is on the way and expected to arrive in early September.  We are once again grateful and thrilled to take on the journey of welcoming a new life and adding to the joy of our family.  

For my own memory and for any inquiring minds, here are some thoughts on the first trimester of this pregnancy:

Yes, this was planned :)  Some people ask, but everyone is thinking it, right?  Once you get past two kids, everyone wants to know if it was a surprise!  We always knew we wanted a third child.  Jonathan, who is a few years older than me, has been ready for awhile now.  I took a little longer to feel ready to start the whole process again.  But once we were both ready things happened pretty quickly and on New Years Eve we got the news that 2014 would bring a new baby with it!  

No, we were not "trying for a girl."  We love having boys.  We will be thrilled if we find out we are expecting a third boy.  As I watch our boys romp around on our land I can't help but think what a magical place this would be for three brothers to grow up together.  We would also be thrilled to have a girl!  I will say that I hoped for boys with my first two pregnancies and that this is the first time that I find myself thinking that girls aren't so scary after all and that it would be really fun to have the experience of raising a daughter.  And I might need a buddy when these boys run off and leave me for other women (SOB!).  So truly, we are just praying for a healthy baby and look forward to finding out how the dynamic of our family will change with the addition of a boy or a girl.  We should find out in early April.  

I feel like junk, but I'm glad to feel like junk.  It is not lost on me that being pregnant is an undeserved gift that many women I know are longing for, so you will never hear me complain about the inconveniences involved.  I'm in my 13th week and have my fingers crossed that I'll begin to turn the corner soon, but I have definitely been sick and exhausted.  In typical form for me, I felt great until about 7 weeks and then the nausea, vomiting, and exhaustion hit in full force.  I experienced morning sickness and some vomiting with both boys, but I this round has been worse.  This past week I added to the mix with a hit of the stomach bug from Wednesday to Thursday and then a miserable cold that hit me Saturday night.  As you can imagine, I'm ready for the second trimester to kick in; and a dose of Spring wouldn't hurt either!  

One big change is that this is our first time to have a baby in Oklahoma instead of Memphis.  I absolutely adored my OB/GYN in Memphis (for reals, y'all, at my last appointment we were both in tears!) so it has been a bit of an adjustment to not walk back into that familiar office with familiar faces and familiar routines.  The plus side is that I am getting to try something that I always thought I would like, and that is using a midwife.  In Oklahoma we are fortunate to be able to have certified nurse midwives in the hospital.  (In Tennessee, midwifery is only allowed at home births.)  At my particular hospital they work in a group with OBs, so if at any point your pregnancy or delivery shows evidence of risk you are moved over to the care of an OB.  Since my previous pregnancies and deliveries have been uneventful, and since I enjoyed a great experience with Rhett's natural delivery in particular, I've decided to try this approach this time.  I've only had one appointment but so far I think it's going to be a good fit, especially for a third baby where a low-key, minimal intervention approach is more in line with my needs.  

Oh, and the last big adjustment of this pregnancy?  This will be my first time to ever be pregnant in the summer!  Yikes!  Both of my boys were born in April, so I've always been pregnant in fall and winter.  I've been spoiled by being able to drape my growing body in sweaters and scarves and curl up indoors, so I'm a bit intimidated by the idea of pregnancy during a season that necessitates minimal clothing in sweltering heat!  And wearing a swimsuit in the third trimester!?!  Oh sweet Lord, help me and all those who get to see that spectacle.  (But I hear the pool is the only place to survive a summer pregnancy so I fully intend to be the beached whale of my in-laws' neighborhood pool this July and August!)  

So all you mamas to summer and fall babies, please fill me in on your maternity wardrobe essentials and tricks, because I'm going to need to do some shopping.  And if you have any warm weather maternity clothes you'd like to lend out or give away, I'd be happy to take them off your hands ;)  But seriously, what did you live in with your summer pregnancy?  Dresses?  Shorts?  What should I invest in this go-around?  

Rhett: 18 Months

 October 5, 2013

Dear Rhett,

You are a year and a half old!  In the last six months you have changed so much, becoming more of a little boy every day.  Yet the beauty of being the second child is that with the perspective your older brother brings, you are always the baby in my eyes!  We continue to find so much joy in your sweet personality.  While you remain very laid back and easy going, you also have a sharp sense of humor and a stubborn streak.  Our running joke is that you're the sweetest, most laid back baby...until you're not!  Once you get ticked off, you let the world know and it takes you awhile to simmer down.  You've thrown some epic tantrums and are quite the expert at going limp-noodle and flailing all over the floor.  I find it quite hilarious and I love that you are sugar sweet 95% of the time while also having a fiery side.  We call you our "bruiser" because you are so very boyish in everything you do.  From the way you walk to your low, raspy voice, you are totally a dude.  And a very friendly one!  You wave at everyone you see when we're out and about, and you love to give hugs and kisses.

Your language has exploded in the last few months!  Your first few words came just after your birthday: Mama, Dada, ball, bye bye, bubbles, and my personal favorite: coffee!  After that, I could hardly keep up with writing your new words down.  By the middle of the summer you were combining words a bit, your favorite phrase being "All Aboard!"  Now, you repeat just about everything word we say!  This month you even said your name for the first time, and it's hilarious because you really emphasize any ending consonants, so you say a breathy "Rhehh-" followed by a hard "ttt."  New favorite words are ambulance, firetruck, a siren noise (weee-oooh), Weber, help, and of course, NO!  You also use a lot of sign language, especially more, all done, please, and milk.  I love this stage of helping you learn to communicate!  You are so smart, baby.

At your 18 month checkup you weighed 27 pounds and were 34 3/4 inches long.  You are tall!  You wear size 18 month clothing with some 24 month outfits and jammies, and a size 6.5 shoe.  You sleep from about 8-7 each night and then take a good 2-3 hour nap each afternoon.  We stopped nursing when you were around 14 months old.  You aren't an adventurous eater, but you have your favorites: grapes, cereal (yo-yo), crackers, cheese, kashi bars, applesauce, peanut butter sandwiches, oatmeal, and noodles are always hits.  You don't care for many meats.

Your favorite things at this age are being outside (ow-sigh!), playing chase with Riggins around the house, tickling us (you scrunch up your nose and come at us with little wiggling fingers; so cute!), reading, bath time, and washing your hands.  You love trains, cars and trucks, your Cozy Coup, your baby stroller, and your rocking horse.  You love to wear hats and glasses.  You love music and dancing, especially to your "Wheels on the Bus" Cedarmont Kids DVD.  You mimic everything your big brother does, and you love to give him hugs; it has been so fun to watch a friendship begin between you two.  However, you also already know how to be an ornery little brother who pushes his big brother's buttons!  Who knew that started so early?  

It has been an eventful six months for our family!  In May we closed on our new house, just in time for you became an official Oklahoman by riding out your first tornados in the storm shelter.  Throughout June we renovated the house, and in July we left our little rental and officially moved in.  You spent three days with Grammy and Grampy in Arkansas during the move and loved it!  In September you returned to your birthplace for a family trip to Memphis.  It was so fun to share some of our favorite things with you there: Overton Park, the Zoo, Central BBQ, Gibson's Donuts, Levitt Shell, the VECA Greenline.  I hope we can return many times as you grow up so that you will get to know and love that special city where you were born!

Darling Rhett, you make my heart burst with pride and joy.  Your piercing blue eyes, soft blond hair (with sweet curls in the back!), and perfect little white teeth just make me melt each day.  I am so very lucky to be your mama, and I cherish these precious days together; I know they will go by in the blink of an eye, but I can't wait to see the man you become.  What a treasured gift you are to our family!

All my love,
Mama  

The Game No One Wins

There is a game that couples like to play.  We usually don't realize we're playing it, as it's one of those subtle games that no one really talks about.  No, this game is best played with subtle hints, nonverbal communication, and the occasional argument that is typically disguised under a different topic.  The game is called "My Job is Harder Than Yours," and under the surface we all think we're winning.  In actuality, couples who play this game always lose.  

Obviously my experience of this game is characterized by our relationship's unique dynamics, particularly those of a stay-at-home/working part-time mom and a working full-time dad, but I would imagine that just about every couple who has children plays this game in some shape or form.  Thankfully, I started to notice the pull of this game early on in my SAHM gig, but I still battle the urge to play on a regular basis.  This most recent season of our lives has tempted us to take up the bat more than ever, with our days filled by parenting and working and topped by an endless list of major household projects.

In essence, the game is played like so: each partner spends his or her day consumed with challenging tasks.  I might find myself up to my ears in tantrums, messes, catching the dog who ran away, whining, household tasks, discipline, entertaining, running errands, bodily fluids, and preparing for class, all through the haze of exhaustion from being up at night with the baby.  Then Jonathan gets home and starts on the latest home project, which means that I am staring into the great bedtime abyss, all alone in the gauntlet of tooth brushing, bathing, stories, jammies (similar to calf roping), whack-a-mole resistance, and the like.  When I finally do shut those doors, I turn to see laundry to start, a house to pick up, a kitchen to clean, and a lecture to prepare.

All the while, Jonathan is at work seeing around 25 patients a day, his brain constantly engaged with issues that determine how well a person can use one of their vital senses.  He deals with grumpy patients, demanding patients, sweet patients, sick patients, each of whom require his full attention.  That's not even taking into account human resources issues and other office management tasks.  In the quick breaks between patients, he is in his office updating charts, paying our bills, keeping our insurance up to date, and handling all of our other family affairs.  He does all of this without a naptime, and he knows that as soon as he gets home he has to not only be fully engaged with our children and supportive of me, but also needs to get right to work on the latest house project which will require significant manual labor.  After hours this summer he has sanded, painted, built cabinets, installed shelves and hardware, installed a sink, cared for two acres of grass, built a wood picket fence around the yard, built a wire hog fence through the woods, and the list goes on.

We both come to the table feeling exhausted, and it is so easy to misperceive the other's experience.  I can feel like Jonathan is escaping to a world of grown up conversation where everyone is wearing pretty clothes and being intellectually challenged in a socially engaging work environment, and that he then gets to pour his energy and creativity into fun projects like landscaping and carpentry.  And he's doing all of that after a full night's sleep!  (I handle our middle of the night issues with the kiddos since I don't go to work; it's an arrangement we've agreed on.)  Simultaneously, Jonathan feels like I am getting to enjoy our boys in these precious stages while enjoying beautiful weather at the park or zoo, or laying around and watching a movie in our jammies on a rainy day.  And I even get a nap time!  

The reality is that we both have hard jobs.  Both of our roles are demanding and exhausting.  But our roles are so very different that it is impossible to compare them, and trying to one-up each other is damaging ("Oh, you're tired from a bad day at the office?  Yeah, me too.  Did you know that Rhett was up three times last night?  And that Riggs threw the biggest tantrum of his life in the middle of the library and I had to physically carry him out?  And that the dog had an accident?").  As subtle as this game can be, the plays are noticeable, and they create a sense of resentment and disrespect that can fester and cause real harm to your marriage.

So many of you are in the trenches with us in these early stages of our little families, and I thought you might be challenged by these principles that I've been learning over the last few years.  When you feel the pull to play the "My Job Is Harder Than Yours" game, resist!  I literally say to myself, "No one wins this," just to shut myself up.  If there really is an issue at hand, put on your big girls panties and communicate about it in a healthy way (Google "I language" if you need help with that!).  Assume that your spouse is working just as hard if not harder than you are, and that he has your family's best interest in mind.  Give him or her the benefit of the doubt.    And ultimately, ask the Lord to fill you with His Spirit and enable you to serve your family with joy, love, and humility...even if, on that particular day, your job IS harder!

Moving is Not My Favorite

Well hello there!  Guess who just got internet at the new house?  Just popping in briefly to say that we're alive and well and have moved in to our new place, although things are definitely still on the chaotic side of the moving experience.  Here's a brief update in the lazy blogger's friend, bullet points!

• We have spent the last six weeks attempting to update everything we possibly could before moving out of our rental house by June 1st.  Our landlord was selling the house, so part of that time included showing the rental house to prospective buyers.  If any of you have attempted to show a home for sale with small children, you know that it is positively maddening.  Luckily, after one showing a day for a week straight, the house sold and we were able to get started on the packing/upheaval part of the move without worrying about realtors dropping by.  
• Over at the new house, we seriously spent every spare moment at work.  Jonathan would grab a quick bite after work and head over to the new house until about 11 p.m., and he and his brother spent every bit of the weekends out there.  We also had lots of help from Jonathan's parents and some family friends, and I spent all of my Mother's Day Out days there too.  Between all of us, we were able to sand, prime, and paint every bit of woodwork in the house, paint all of the walls, and finish most of a kitchen renovation that included building custom cabinetry.  There is still so much to do, and it was definitely stressful, but I know we wouldn't have done much of it had we attempted it while living here with two small children.  
• Last week we shipped the boys off to my parents in Arkansas so that we could actually finish out the moving process.  Some dear friends were already heading east to their lake house and graciously offered to add our boys to their mini van and meet my parents on I-40 for a handoff.  Y'all, they had FIVE boys under the age of six in their van; so very brave!  We seriously could not have done all we needed to do without the help of these friends and my parents.  Such a gift!
• We're all moved in now, although we are very much still living in boxes.  The guys still haven't put shelves in my kitchen cabinets, and the faucet hasn't been installed, so I can't unpack the kitchen and I don't have running water in there.  Lots of grilling and microwave meals going on!  It can be pretty chaotic and I am definitely ready to get settled, but I know that one day this will all be a distant memory and life will feel normal.
• Loose ends aside, we are loving it out here.  We spend so much time outside and have already seen deer, bunnies, lots of different birds and bugs, skunks, and one snake on our land.  Despite the separation between "homesteads" out here, two neighbors have already reached out and been so kind.  It is so peaceful.  And although there are things I miss about living in 800 square feet, I have to say that I am grateful for just a little bit more room.  The layout of this home is such that I can easily keep tabs on the children and feel cozy, yet we all have a bit more room to breathe.  Although I can now confirm that our messes are just because we're a mess and not to be blamed on the small space!  So much for that excuse...  : / 

That's it for now!  Off to paint some trim in the kitchen before the boys wake up.  One new thing I'm learning about homeownership: there's always something to do!  Pictures to come soon!

Stuck

Today I met my friend Mackenzie for a playdate at a local inflatables joint.  The kids had a great time and the moms were able to catch up.  

I didn't even notice the lone skee ball machine in the corner until I looked around to do a typical kid-count check and saw Riggins inside it.  So of course I did what any good mother would do in a moment like this.  I told him to hang tight while I grabbed my phone.  Unfortunately, by the time I snapped the shot he had managed to dislodge his right foot from the hole where the balls go down. This pose isn't quite as epic as when I first discovered him practically folded in half inside a skee ball machine.  And yes, he's still crying, but I assure you he was just fine and I think this picture was worth a few extra seconds before the rescue operation took place.  It's just the kind of mom I am: laugh and grab the camera!

So if today you're feeling hard on yourself as a mother, just think, "Hey, at least my kid didn't get stuck in an arcade game today!  I'm doing alright!"