Seven for Seven

Yesterday, my man and I celebrated seven years of wedded bliss.  Look at us on our wedding day...just babies, I tell you!  (When we married I was 21 and he was 25; I didn't feel young at the time, but now I realize just how young we were!)  

In honor of our seven years together, I thought I'd share seven bits of wisdom that I've learned about marriage.  We definitely still have a lot to learn, and I think the key to marriage is to maintain that attitude throughout our lives together!  

ONE: Expectations are everything!  I firmly believe that many marriages struggle and fall apart largely due to unrealistic expectations.  Whether you expect marriage to be a fairy tale every day or you expect your spouse to be the perfect fulfillment of everything you've ever needed in life, unrealistic expectations  will constantly lead to the disappointment and unhealthy conflict that can eat away at a marriage.  Very early in our marriage I learned that if I was feeling upset with Jonathan, I needed to stop in my tracks and evaluate my expectations.  Most of the time, I realized that I was holding him to too high of a standard and that I needed to relax my expectation and let it go.  If my expectation was realistic, that pause offered me the opportunity to formulate a healthy way to broach the subject.   

TWO: Love and Respect!  The concepts in this book by Dr. Emerson Eggerich have been revolutionary for me.  In a nutshell: women need to feel loved, men need to feel respected.  I could leave Jonathan sweet little love notes all day long and give him a kiss every time I pass him by, but if I treat him with disrespect, none of that matters.  I so wish I had learned this lesson earlier in our marriage, because I definitely have regrets about how disrespectfully I treated Jonathan in those first few years.  My tone of voice, my trust in his decisions, my follow-through when he asks me to do something--all of those things communicate respect or disrespect, and can make or break how he treats me in return.  

THREE: Intimacy is central to the health of a marriage.  When intimacy suffers, so does every other area of your marriage.  When other areas in your marriage suffer, so does intimacy.  Much like the "love and respect" concept, intimacy can be a healthy or unhealthy cycle that affects every area of your relationship.  

FOUR: Seasons of sacrifice.  When I decided to marry Jonathan, I did so knowing that my goals were just as important to him as his own, and vice versa.  As such, our seven years together have seen lots of give-and-take in order for both of us to accomplish our goals.  Early in our marriage, Jonathan helped me accomplish my dreams of traveling and getting my master's degree, which required him to leave a good job.  Later, I passed over some great post-grad school opportunities in order for him to shift gears into a career in optometry.  It wasn't easy, but the reality is that it is very difficult for two people to pursue their goals 100% without your marriage suffering.  The give-and-take and back-and-forth has allowed both of us to accomplish our goals while maintaining a healthy relationship overall.  

FIVE: Leave and cleave.  We are lucky to have wonderful families who have found a healthy balance of boundaries and involvement in our lives.  When we moved to Texas after our first year of marriage, we really had to cling to each other, make our own decisions, and establish ourselves as a family.  At the same time, we've made our families a priority and work hard to stay in touch via phone calls and visits.  It seems that you can go to one extreme or the other, either being overly enmeshed with your extended family or being so intent on "being your own family" that you alienate the people who love you the most.  Finding a good balance has been essential for us.  

SIX: Laugh and be silly!  Maintaining a sense of playfulness really helps me feel connected to Jonathan. Even if we're in a grumpy mood, if one of us can find the humor in the situation and get us laughing, it can instantly bring us back to normal.  I think that sense of silliness and spontaneity is a big part of most dating relationships, so it's no wonder that a good belly laugh can bring a marriage back to a good place after a rough day, and especially in the middle of a difficult time in life (new baby, job loss, move, etc.)

SEVEN: I can't tell you how many of our wedding and shower cards read, "Keep God the center of your marriage."  Which is great and all, but what does that really mean?  I still don't know exactly.  We don't do a devotional book together, we don't always pray together each day, and Jonathan doesn't bust out his guitar for nightly family worship times.  But I know that our marriage works best when we are both walking with the Lord through prayer and time in his Word.  I have learned in seven years that while marriage is definitely for happiness, it is also designed for holiness.  When I stay connected to the idea that both of us our sinners in desperate need of grace, I am slow to anger, quick to ask forgiveness, and prayerfully desperate for God to change both of our hearts.  When I stray from the Father, I am selfish, unrealistic in my expectations, quick to anger, stubborn in recognizing my wrongdoing, and manipulative in my attempts to get Jonathan to change according to my own will.  

The experience of marriage is refining me day by day.  I am not the woman I was seven years ago, thanks to God's work in me and the gentle leadership and accountability of my sweet husband.  

I'm also not the super skinny, tan woman I was seven years ago, but that's another post! ;)  

Oops, I Did It Again

Remember how on Monday I went to the grocery store, forgot my wallet, and had to have a friend come bail me out?  

Yeah.  Well.

Guess who went to the grocery store today, gathered her items, waited in line, and went to grab her Kroger card out of her wallet and realized, yet again, that she had left it in her other bag?  

Not me, of course.  

No, only a total moron would grocery shop without a wallet twice in one week.  

It was the same story.  Went to the splash park yesterday, swapped my wallet to our pool bag, and forgot to replace it.  What makes it particularly sad this time is that before leaving the house I took particular care to pack extra wipes, diapers, and snacks because my diaper bag stash had been running low.  You would think I would remember the most important part, and that I would double-check after Monday's fiasco, but that's what a person with a brain would do, and I most definitely don't have one of those.  

This time I didn't bother to call anyone for help.  I just laughed, apologized to the cashier for leaving him with a cart full of groceries, and bolted.  I called Jonathan, who is slightly frightened by my gradual loss of sanity, and had a good time making fun of myself.  Because really...twice in one week?  What else can you do but laugh?  

(And for the record, Memphians: the new Kroger on Mendenhall is my dream come true.)

This afternoon, my child screamed through his nap time and never fell asleep.  I realized I am totally out of sugar and I'm supposed to take a dessert to Bunko tonight.  I left my laundry in the wash too long and it smelled funny so I had to run it again.  My house is a wreck.  My child's face is scratched from nose to forehead due to a bad brawl with the sidewalk.  

And I am sitting here blogging while he watches Praise Baby.  

Just putting it all out there just in case any of you thought I had it all together!  ;)  

That's What Friends Are For

Monday is my grocery shopping day.  Usually, that finds us heading off to the nearest Kroger (the Stab-and-Grab on Poplar and Cleveland when I'm feeling frisky, or its tamer cousin on Highland), and sometimes to the Super Target across town.  Today's grocery list had a few special items that required a trip to Wal-Mart.  I'm going to try canning for the first time (Does that make me an old lady or uber modern foodie?  To be determined.) and I knew that Wal-Mart would have the best variety of canning supplies for the best prices.  

Off we went, daring to venture out before the morning nap rather than our usual post-nap time slot.  I plotted my way through the store, snagging my goods as quickly as possible while appeasing my feisty little guy with graham crackers.  Nevertheless, it was a pretty big grocery trip and it took me a good hour to make it through my list.  Creeping uncomfortably close to his morning nap time, Riggins was pretty much at the end of his rope by the time I checked out.  

My groceries were scanned, the bags were filled, the cart was overflowing, and I went to pay the cashier.  And that's when I realized my wallet was not in the diaper bag.  Instantly, I remembered that I had transferred it to a different tote bag for a Sunday afternoon family outing, and had forgotten to move it back into the diaper bag for our grocery trip. (New/Expectant Mother Tip: This is why you have ONE diaper bag/purse that is stylish and practical enough to use for every single thing you do!  Less repacking and potential forgetting.  Just keep one bag packed at all times and go with it!)  

As I looked at my squirmy boy, my full cart of hard-earned groceries, and the line behind me, I felt a lump rise to my throat.  I was so embarrassed, and I felt sick at the thought of leaving empty handed after spending so much time at a store 20 minutes from my house.  I called Jonathan, but as soon as I told him what was wrong his phone died.  

And that's when I thought of my friend Natelie, who lives just blocks away from Wal-Mart.  I figured it was worth a try, so I gave her a call and told her about my predicament.  Wouldn't you know that girl dropped everything, drove to Wal-Mart with her toddler (Isaac and Riggins are just 3 weeks apart), showed up within 10 minutes, paid for my groceries, and completely saved the day!  

Now that is a good friend, y'all.  

When you live far from home, it is such a blessing to have dear friends who will do anything for you.  And when you're a mom, it's an equal blessing to have someone who is right there in the trenches with you.  Someone who can show up at Wal-Mart when you've got coffee spilled down the front of your shirt, an overtired toddler, and no wallet, and somehow make you feel like you're normal again.  You both know that you've both been there, and that you'll both be there again sometime soon.  So you just take turns being the encourager, and day by day you make it through.  

So thanks, Nat, for being the encourager today (and the Sugar Mama! ;)  Next time you end up somewhere without your wallet, I'm your girl!  

Day of Discovery

Today, my child ate the tip off of a blue crayon.  

I thought that was gross, of course, but somewhat of a rite of passage.  

He also discovered that he can put things into the trash can, pull over the plant stand, walk into the pantry and rearrange the shelves, get carpet burn on his lips from tripping in the book store, and slide off of the couch backwards.  

All in one day, folks.  We've been productive.

But when Jonathan and I settled onto the couch after little man went to bed, he confessed one discovery that I almost wish he had kept to himself.  

The boys were hanging out while I was at Jazzercise.  Jonathan was getting something out of the kitchen, and when Riggins toddled into the room a minute later he was holding the toilet brush.

And CHEWING ON IT!!!!!  

Ugh.  Ew. Ick.  Barf.

I pride myself on being laid back and not a total germaphobe, freak out, first-time mom, but the toilet brush, y'all.  That's bad.  

Just keeping it real tonight, friends.

(What disgusting things have you found in your kids' mouths?  Can anyone top a toilet brush?  Do tell.)

Summer Slump

When I was pregnant and still working, one of my biggest fears about being a stay-at-home mom was that I would be bored and that the days would just drag by.  Once Riggins actually arrived, that fear was almost laughable.  I was shocked at how quickly days flew by with a newborn.  Nursing might have had something to do with that; when you're doing something that takes 45 minutes every 3 hours, days can pass pretty quickly.  We hit our stride by the end of the summer, and once fall rolled around our days were filled with BSF, MOPS, my two afternoons a week of teaching, and impromptu play dates and lunches with friends. 

But in all honesty, this summer has been a struggle for me.  Even before having children, I have always been the type to really thrive when my plate is full.  When I have too much time on my hands, I get lazy and unmotivated.  I really need the structure that activities and appointments bring to my schedule.  By nature, summer just has less of that.  While I enjoyed the break from routine for a few weeks, the excess freedom is catching up to me and the familiar apathy is setting in. 

None of this is helped by the fact that our temperatures have exceeded 100 degrees every day this week, with not much relief in sight.  This wipes out many of our typical activities like the zoo, the park, walking, etc.  It's just too hot.  So we spend our days doing a lot of this...

Which is truly delightful, really.  For a time.  But after awhile Mommy ends up laying down in the box too, and if I stay there too long then the zombie takes over and you can bet that the house will stay dirty and we will all have cheese and crackers for dinner.  

All that to say, I am acknowledging that summer just isn't my season.  There's a reason why I have always adored the "Back to School" hype of late August and early September, and it's not just my penchant for school supplies (though I do adore school supplies!).  It's that at my core, I am a person who thrives on routine and activity, who likes her plate full, who needs regular interaction with others (grown ups, that is!), and who doesn't have a lot of internal motivation to be productive during excessive amounts of down time.  

Can anyone out there relate to this?  Any of you veteran moms have some secrets for how you survive and thrive during the long days of summer with your kiddos?  

Frozen Relief

In honor today's soaring temps (105 was the last register on our trusty car thermometer), I thought I'd share a recipe for a little tasty treat I whipped up over the weekend.  I love it when the Pantry Gods smile down on me and provide the tools for a yummy new recipe invention.  Jonathan captured a shot of me enjoying my concoction, a photo that I would like to title, "Hot, Tired, and Wrinkled."  (Note to self: stop raising eyebrows or start saving for Botox).  

P.S. Guess whose child hates popsicles?  Yep...mine.  Something about the icy goodness leaves my little man cold, and sometimes brings him to tears!  Strange, since he loves ice cream.  Maybe next summer he'll come around to this childhood summer essential?  Between that and my hubby's hatred of coconut, these beauties were all mine!  

Pina Colada Pops

In a blender or food processor, combine:

1 can lite coconut milk

1 can fat free sweetened condensed milk

1 can crushed pineapple

A handful of shredded coconut

Juice and zest of one lime

Buzz it all up, pour into popsicle molds, freeze, and enjoy!  

14 Months

June 29, 2011

Dear Riggins,

You are 14 months old, and there is one big accomplishment that dominated this month: you are WALKING!  You took your first steps on June 4th, and spent the next couple of weeks just taking short spurts of steps here and there.  By the last week of the month, you were walking more than crawling, and popping right back up after a fall.  While everyone makes a first-time mother dread having a walking child, I have really loved this transition.  You were just as mobile as a crawler, but now your constantly dirty hands and knees have disappeared, and you can navigate our less-than-grassy back yard and less-than-clean public places on your own rather than being constantly toted around.  Now begins the process of teaching you to come when called!

You stopped nursing this month, on June 14th, and that too has been a nice step toward your independence.  You drink milk with your meals and are still a great eater.  One of your favorite foods is steak...such a boy!  You are still napping twice a day, at 9 and 1, and sleeping from 7 p.m. to 6:30 a.m.  You wear a size 4 diaper, 12-18 month clothing, and size 5 shoes.  With the advent of walking, we took you to buy your first pair of "real" shoes.  It was so cute to see them measure your little foot, and you have loved walking in your Sun-San Surfer sandals.

Though you don't say a whole lot of words, you babble constantly.  You say "Woof Woof" any time you hear or see a dog, "Boh" for boat, "Boo" for book, and you've been saying "Mama" a bit more.  You can sign "more," "all done," and "please."  You wave "hello" and "bye bye" every chance you get!  You have started bringing books to us when you want to be read to, and wrapping your arms around our legs when you want a hug.  While you have always been a sweet, snuggly baby, I love seeing you show affection on your own accord!  At times it can feel cumbersome to have you tugging at my legs every five minutes, but I try to remind myself how much I will miss those little arms around my legs someday.  I squat down for a little hug every chance I get!  

We spent the end of this month in Oklahoma where we discovered how much you love to be in the pool!    You also love pointing at the airplanes that fly over our house, punching the buttons on the DVD player (much to our chagrin), playing with friends, pulling the books off of your book shelf, smashing block towers, patting Weber, watching my Jazzercise class, and going to the playground.

You are such a fun, sweet little guy, and I am so thankful to spend my days with you.

Love,
Momma