Life with Two

It just occurred to me that I have never really processed the nitty gritty of life with two children on the ole' blog.  Several friends have asked for advice on this topic recently, and now that I've got almost six months of "expertise" (ha!) with two children, I suppose it's time for a write-up!  Here are some random things that I've learned in the last six months: 

One thing I haven't figured out: how on earth to get a decent picture of both kids at once!

The defining theme of this season of my life has been TRIAGE.  A moment will come (and it will probably come often, particularly if your children are close in age) when both of your babies need you at once.  There will probably be much crying and gnashing of teeth from everyone involved (perhaps even you!).  Simultaneously, the dog will need to go outside, and whatever was in the oven will probably be finished and threatening to burn.  You will be tempted to curl up in the fetal position and sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" with your fingers in your ears.  Enter triage.  It seems that I am constantly making a mental evaluation of which demand should be placed first in the line-up.  Unless the needs of the baby (or the dog or the dinner or whatever) are absolutely urgent, tend to your older child first.  Your older child is mature enough to know when he's being snubbed, and it is very likely that his demands will only escalate if he is neglected.  It is far easier (though slightly heartbreaking) to let your baby cry for a minute and to stoop down to your older child's level, listen intently, respond to their needs, and then move on to the baby.  If I ignore Riggins' needs for too long, I end up with a much bigger problem on my hands: acting out, a tantrum, or finding fun of his own that is not mama-approved.  

Ban "later" from your vocabulary.  I fail at this often, but I have found that with two children it is so easy for our home to quickly descend into chaos if I am not diligent about staying on top of the housework.  When I decide to pick up "later," empty the dishwasher "later," or fold the laundry "later," the toys, dishes, and laundry multiply at such a rapid pace that it then takes far longer to catch up on the mess than it ever would have taken for me to just tend to it immediately.   That ends up just eating into my relaxation time, which is super depressing.  So I try to be disciplined about making a quick turbo-spin through the house as soon as the boys go down for naps or bedtime.  I do a quick pick-up, start a load of laundry, and clean up the kitchen.  My house may not be clean, but if it is somewhat orderly I feel a bit better about things, and I can enjoy that rest time without having a huge job hanging over my head later.  As the FlyLady says, "Housework done incorrectly [or incompletely] still blesses your family."  (Please note that at this very moment my dishwasher needs emptying, there is laundry in my washer and in my dryer, and my house is far from picked up...and yet I'm blogging...like I said, I fail at this advice often, but I still believe it!)

Grab one-on-one time with each child as often as you can.  Good friends from my MOPS group in Memphis gave me this wise advice.  If you have an opportunity to even run to the grocery store with just one kid, take it.  I can see an obvious difference in Riggins when he's had some quality one-on-one time with Jonathan or me, and I've noticed that even Rhett is more verbal and happy when given one-on-one attention.  Be intentional with snagging those moments when one child awakens or goes down before the other.

Guard nap time.  Your older child's nap time is the only time of day when you have a shot at uninterrupted time.  Even if your baby doesn't sleep at the same time, you can at least put the baby in a bouncer while you take a shower, do some chores, or answer some emails.  This is not the time to schedule visitors!  And if the baby sleeps, JACKPOT!  Do that whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" thing that is kind of a joke if you have more than one kid.  

Accept help.  Now that we live near family, it has been such a blessing to have grandparents nearby.  I am quickly learning to accept their offers for help, and to allow other people the blessing of being involved in the lives of our children.  Even before we left Memphis, I was learning this lesson.  So many friends were generous enough to watch Riggins while we packed or to bring a meal long after we brought Rhett home from the hospital.  If someone offers a specific way to serve you, SAY YES!!!  Don't deny others the opportunity to be a blessing.   

Stay on top of discipline.  Your older child is no dummy.  He recognizes when you are distracted with the baby and will jump on those opportunities to push the limits.  This is particularly the case if you are nursing.  Riggins quickly learned that I hesitated to follow through on discipline if I was sitting down nursing the baby.  A friend gave me the wise advice to be willing to put the baby down (even if nursing or crying) in order to follow through on discipline with your older child.  It sends a definite message that you are serious.  Honestly, we backtracked quite a bit on our discipline during all the transition of these last few months, and we saw the decline in Riggins' behavior and attitude.  Granted, a lot of that is normal after all we've been through, but we are having to reevaluate our discipline and buckle down with our consistency after being a little too lenient during this time of change. 

Remember that your children are individuals and resist the urge to compare them.  The sleep routines that worked for your first might not work for your second.  The soothing method that didn't work for your first might be just the ticket for your second.  Your first was a screaming terror of a baby and your second is an angel.  Keep your mind open to learning this new little person in your life and avoid checking every little thing against your experience with his sibling.  The beauty of the second time around is that it seems to be a bit easier to let go of all these trivial issues of motherhood and just do what works for you and your baby without the anxiety that came with everything the first time around.  (Or at least with less anxiety! ;) 

Oh, and one last bit of advice: PBS KIDS, baby!  

Additional children definitely bring "more" to your life.  More stress, more exhaustion, more messes, more laundry.  But also more joy, more laughter, and more blessings.  What they say is true; your heart really does grow to love another child in the same mind-blowing way you love your first.  

But you might want to check up on me a year from now when I have a preschooler and a toddler running around!  Then I will really have reason to be in that fetal position in the corner!  ;)     

Convenience

Confession: I used to be a snob.  

For a long time, I just did not see the point in many convenience foods and just refused to spend the extra money to purchase them.

Why buy a rotisserie chicken in the deli when you can just roast your own?  Why buy string cheese when you can just cube it off the block?  Why buy carrots cut to look like "babies" when you can just cut carrots into sticks?  Why buy bagged salad greens when you can wash your own?  

Even after having one child, I persisted in my convenience food snobbery.  I had plenty of time during Riggins' naps to stretch my dollar by taking the time to put a little more effort into my food prep.  

And then I had a second child.  Just when I thought my list of "I will never..." statements could not be any more mutilated by parenthood, these little stinkers have invaded my grocery list too!  

The first day I brought home a rotisserie chicken was like a revelation.  I got two meals out of that bird and didn't even have to cook it!  And then it was the bagged salad greens; dumping those babies into a bowl felt like freedom, and Riggins was perfectly content to play with the empty salad spinner at my feet.  Then came the snacks: string cheese sticks and Baby Bell wheels, milk in a juice box, tiny bunny crackers and cereal bars.  My lifelong disdain for any food that came in bar form (except for lemon bars, Hello Dolly bars, and the like!) went out the window, and in waltzed my friends Lara, Luna, Kashi, and BelVita.  Oh, and don't forget my girl Sister Schubert!  Individually frozen rolls that every member of the family devours after a mere 8 minutes in the oven?  Yes, please...I'll take two, thank you!    

Granted, my inner Martha Stewart cringes with every step I take towards the "dark side," and I'm fairly certain that she will return little by little as I continue to get ahold of this new season of life with small children.  I truly enjoy the process of cooking and making things from scratch.  But for now, every few minutes of time saved in the kitchen really makes a difference in the dynamics of my day, and that is worth a few extra bucks on my grocery bill.  I'm still making plenty of homemade goodness when it matters to me (I'm not sure you'll ever see me buy a baking mix of any kind), but I'm grabbing the shortcuts where I can and refusing to feel guilty about it.

What are your favorite convenience foods?    

Favorite Things: The Undercover Mama Tank

Warning: Boob talk ahead!  

My friend Erin recently wrote a great post about breastfeeding in public.  I've shared a bit about my nursing journey with Riggins here, and I'm happy to say that nursing has once again worked out with Rhett.  Unfortunately, my veteran status did not exempt me from another round of painful adjustment in those first months, but once everything got all healed up we hit our stride and it has been smooth sailing ever since (I'll leave that trauma to your imagination, but my fellow nursing wounded are fist pumping me in solidarity right now...you know what I'm talkin' 'bout!).  

One product that has been such a help this time around has been the Undercover Mama tank top.  It sounds rather dramatic, but this little tank has quite literally changed my life when it comes to dressing my nursing body.  When a friend recommended them during my pregnancy, I knew this was the dream product that I would have loved with Riggins, and I immediately bought two!  

Here's the deal.  Nursing tanks are great, but they rarely provide enough support to wear alone if the girls are anything above a B or C cup.  Personally, my girls go to another planet when I'm nursing; my bra size sees letters of the alphabet that should never be printed on a lingerie tag.  If I were to wear a nursing tank alone for an entire year of nursing, my breasts would look like a native woman in National Geographic by the time it was all said and done.  A nursing bra is essential for me (I love the Body Silk Seamless and the Allure Underwire from Bravado).

But then you have another dilemma.  In order to nurse, you have to pull up your shirt, which leaves your postpartum tummy exposed even when you use a nursing cover.  Which means that you need a tank.  But you need access, so you need a nursing tank.  Then you're wearing a nursing bra under a nursing tank under a shirt and you have to get through each layer before you can feed your baby, which is just extremely awkward when trying to be nonchalant under a Hooter Hider.   

Enter the Undercover Mama.  This strapless tank top has two tiny hooks that attach to any nursing bra, which means that when feeding time comes, all you have to do is detach your nursing bra flap as usual, and the tank top comes along for the ride (in the photo above, the black straps are bra straps).  One easy movement!  And then, your tummy is still covered by the super stretchy, soft, long tank top itself.  You get the support of a bra, the cleavage and torso coverage of a tank, and the ability to wear any shirt you want on top without worrying about access.  If you can pull it up or unbutton it, you can feed your baby without performing gymnastics! 

This tank has been such a lifesaver for me.  I have one in cream and one in white, and I wear them all the time.  They fit snuggly, which is also handy for smoothing out that postpartum lumpiness under your clothes, and they are nice and long.  They also wash and dry beautifully.  

Nursing Rhett has been so easy thanks to these tanks, which is a blessing considering that in many ways it is more difficult to nurse a second child when his older sibling is running amuck.  But this tank simplifies the process and makes me more willing to give the baby a quick feeding on the go, whereas with Riggins I was much more likely to take a pumped bottle along when out in public.   

So go get an Undercover Mama or two.  Or four.  Or just get seven, one for each day of the week!  They come in a beautiful array of colors, but I have found that the white and the cream work for me under just about any outfit.  Undercover Mama has no idea I'm writing this post, so this is not a paid endorsement, but if they find it and want to send me some freebies I won't complain! ;)  

Twentysomething

Tomorrow I turn THIRTY.

Wow.  

The beginning of an entirely new decade.  While I always anticipated being reluctant to hit this birthday, it really just feels like any other year!  Maybe that's because my hubby turned thirty several years ago, or because my twenties have been so full that it just seems right that they are coming to a close.  Either way, whether I like it or not, time keeps moving forward and I am another year--another decade--older.  

Let's recap my twenties, why don't we?  In my twenties I...

• Got engaged 
• Graduated from OBU with a BA in Family Psychology, and with a certainty that I now had absolutely zero desire to be a marriage and family therapist...oops 
• Got married 
• Worked as a special education teacher 
• Traveled Europe with my husband for two months straight 
• Moved to Waco, Texas, and earned a master's degree in Higher Education Administration
• Discovered Bible Study Fellowship
• Experienced loss of dear family members and employment
• Worked as a hall director and adjunct instructor at my alma mater 
• Traveled to Australia and New Zealand 
• Got a dog 
• Moved to Memphis 
• Worked as the Greek Life and Community Service Advisor at the University of Memphis 
• Traveled to Maine and Quebec and came home with a special souvenir 
• Became a mother to Riggins Thomas 
• Left my job to become a stay-at-home mom
• Became a mother (again!) to Rhett Matthew
• Watched Jonathan earn his Doctor of Pharmacy degree
• Moved to Oklahoma

That list seems so cut-and-dried, and yet with each bullet I could write volumes about how the experience brought change and maturity.  The process was not always pretty, but I am a different woman than I was when I celebrated my twentieth birthday as a junior in college.  

I sometimes cringe when I consider that girl.  Marriage, employment, academic pursuits, relationships, motherhood, and the tender hand of my heavenly Father have continued to make me new.  They have sanded away at my rough edges and brought slow but (hopefully) steady progress in the journey of becoming more like Christ.  They have brought self-awareness and others-awareness that I lacked in my younger years.  

And the exciting thing is that thirty is still young!  Lord willing, I have several more decades for His refining work to continue in me.  When I think of how different I am at 30 compared to 20, I am excited to see who I will be at 40.  My prayer for this next decade is that God would keep me teachable and malleable, always growing and improving, while being ever mindful of my desperate dependence on him for all things.  

Letters to Rhett: Five Months Old

September 5, 2012

Dear Rhett,

You are already starting to catch up to your monkey, buddy!  It helps that you are a tall drink of water like your big brother.  At five months, you're already wearing 9 month jammies just to accommodate that long torso and those long legs, but you are mostly in size 6 month clothing.  We are finishing out the last of a box of size two diapers, but you're about to bump up a size.  You're growing like a weed, just as you should be!

At five months old, you nurse about every three hours during the day and about twice at night.  Settling into a sleep routine has come with more difficulty for you, mostly because it is impossible to be rigid with a schedule when you have an older sibling to account for as well!  You are a very restless sleeper; although you go down easily, staying asleep and getting yourself back to sleep once you've awakened is a struggle.  You'll get there, buddy, and until then I am happy to enjoy your snuggles!  

We could never resent your sleep struggles because you are otherwise the most content baby I've ever met.  You continue to live up to your nickname, little Peach: sweet, sweet, sweet!  You are generous with your smiles and only fuss if you have gotten overtired (or if you've awakened too early from sleep.  See above ;).  This month, you are increasingly aware of your surroundings, and you watch the world go by with a wide-eyed, raised eyebrow expression of interest.  Although you are quick to give a smile, it is tough to get you to laugh!  We really have to work to get a giggle out of you, but I think it's just because you're Mr. Mellow!   

Your big first this month was your first road trip!  I took you along with me to the Horn Family Reunion in Des Moines, Iowa.  It was such a fun opportunity to have one-on-one time with you, and I will always have sweet memories of that special trip with my Rhettaroo.  You were a traveling champ, and everyone raved about what a good baby you are.  There were lots of aunties and cousins vying for your snuggles, and you went to everyone with ease.  This reunion was for the descendants of Matthew Horn, so it was appropriate that you were able to visit the home of your namesake!

We got out the Jumparoo this month and it is now your favorite pastime.  You go nuts in that thing and have also gotten pretty adept at manipulating all the little toys around the edges.  Tummy time is now a favorite activity too--especially in front of the mirrored closet doors in Riggins' room--and you are much more interested in toys and books now.  Your pacifier and the Ergo carrier are other favorite things.

Rhett, we love you to pieces and are so thankful that you are a part of our family.  You bring joy to everyone you meet, but I think you bring the most joy to this mama's heart.  

Love you, baby boy...

Momma

Ode to the Coffee Pot

I broke our coffee pot on Saturday.  It wasn't a fancy coffee pot.  Just a basic Krups, but it was a wedding gift so I felt sad and sentimental as I swept the broken carafe into the dustpan.  

For a plain jane coffee pot, it brewed a good cup.  In our first little house, our neighbor was a coffee roaster.  He would knock on our door with a freshly roasted bag of beans, and we would grind them up on Saturday mornings and laze around the way childless newlyweds do.  

In Waco, we were introduced to HEB and the delicious Taste of San Antonio blend.  I would brew a pot before study sessions, and when our community group met in our home I always added a smidge of brown sugar and cinnamon to the grounds.  In Shawnee, one pot fueled both Jonathan's duels with his organic chemistry textbook in one room and my giggle-filled RA meetings in the other.

After Riggins was born, I quickly realized that he could not tolerate any caffeine in my system when nursing.  I still brewed a pot of decaf each morning, hoping that a placebo effect would give me the energy I was so greatly lacking as a sleep deprived new mother.  

Rhett can handle a bit of caffeine himself, but with two children came a new problem.  What was a leisurely morning nap hour with one child--perfect for a cup of coffee and quiet time--is now just another hour with a toddler.  The pot I brewed in desperation after a night of being up with the baby always seemed to sit untouched in the carafe.  I finally began the habit of brewing a big pot all at once and sticking the entire thing in the fridge, thus beginning my latest addiction to iced coffee.  

I just finished searching for a replacement carafe online and they are no longer in production, so it's time to purchase a new coffee maker altogether.  It is a little ridiculous to be sad about the demise of a small appliance, but it is kind of nostalgic to say goodbye to something that has provided something hot to hold through many sweet moments of our marriage.  I suppose I should just be thankful that our marriage has outlasted the coffee pot.  In this day and age, that isn't always the case!

(In other news, apparently eight years is the time limit for many wedding gifts, as both of our sets of sheets--now threadbare--have gaping rips as of this week.  The nonstick finish has started to wear off of my skillets, and I no longer have a full set of matching glasses.  Anyone want to throw us another shower?)

Squeak

I'm slightly embarrassed to write about this, but it is what it is.

There's been a mouse in the house.  Actually, there have been mice in the house, but that doesn't rhyme quite as well.  

It must be said that our little rental house is just fine.  It was recently renovated and is clean and as nice a home as you can expect for an inexpensive rental in suburban Oklahoma.  However, our back yard might as well be a field.  It is huge, and we have no neighbors behind us.  The problem seems to come from the combination of our "wild" surroundings and the fact that it is an older home that, despite renovation, is going to have its nooks and crannies for little critters to find.  

I first saw the little booger, of course, when Jonathan was out of town.  As I sat on the couch nursing Rhett, a movement in the kitchen caught my eye.  A teensy mouse had run out of that hole next to the dishwasher that you can see in the above picture, and he just stood there in the middle of the kitchen floor for a second before running back in.  I saw him two more times before we caught him in a little sticky trap.  An animal lover, I preferred the more humane method of catching the little guys and having Jonathan release them in a field near his office.  

We caught two this way, but they just kept coming.  Every night I would sit on the couch nursing Rhett and see quick-as-lightening movements out of the corner of my eye that I just knew were little mice running on my kitchen floor.  Then I would hear them squeaking, almost like a mouse version of a cat fight.  They never ate our food or damaged anything that we could see, but it was so unnerving just knowing they were there.  Poor Weber was beside herself, her hunting instincts in full force, yet she was never quite able to follow through on the quick little creatures that taunted her from their hiding places in the walls with their scratching and squeaking.  It was like they had figured out how to avoid our sticky traps and carry on with their fun.  

One afternoon, I opened the cabinet under the sink to throw something in the trash, and there were two little faces staring up at me out of the trash can.  I flipped, even making Riggins cry because Mama was screaming in the kitchen!  But I flipped because I realized that also under the sink was the bin where I kept all of Rhett's bottles and some other feeding-related items for the kiddos.  Luckily I hadn't used anything from that bin in over a month, because I pulled out the bin and found mouse droppings everywhere, along with many destroyed bibs and other items that I had to throw away.  I had to sanitize every single thing, which took forever.

This was war.  No more Miss Nice Sticky Traps.  No more taking Riggins to Petco to show him the cute little mice in their cages.  These vermin are the spawn of Satan and they will die.  

Out came the big guns: the snap traps.  Within two days we had killed three of the buggers, and after that we used steel wool to seal up every hole and crack we could find.  We haven't seen one since.  

I officially have an exception clause to my animal lover status: no mercy for mice!  I will gladly use a snap trap and happily throw your dead little body into the trash can.  You've been warned, Mickey.