26 Weeks: A Letter

Dear Little Man of Mine,

You have been on my mind so much today. Of course, you are on my mind every minute of every day, but today I have been thinking about how badly I want you to know all about this experience of waiting to bring you into the world. So here it goes. Your first ever letter.

I am 26 weeks pregnant and just over three months away from my due date. It boggles my mind to think of how quickly this pregnancy is rushing by, and yet even though we haven't met I can hardly imagine life before knowing you were on your way. With the exception of a handful of typical pregnancy symptoms, this whole experience has been such a joy. I love carrying you. I love thinking about you. I love feeling you kick and turn and press your little feet and hands into my sides. I love dreaming about your future. All that to say, I love you. And it blows me away to think that those feelings are only going to grow.

I got to see you again on Wednesday. I had told my doctor about some slight cramping, and just to make sure everything was alright she opted to do an ultrasound. There you were, once again with your little right hand up at your forehead, thumb sticking out. We have seen you three times now, and every single time that right hand is up on your forehead! This time you even scratched your little head, which just about sent me over the moon. I can't wait to see if that is a typical "pose" for you once you arrive, because it definitely seems to be your thing!

I can feel you moving pretty constantly these days. Your Dad was able to feel you kick for the first time on Christmas night; what a gift! And last week, my parents both felt you kicking as well. I think you might even recognize your Grandpa's voice, because when he spoke at your Great-Grandpa Bobby's memorial service last week you started going crazy at the sound of his deep bass voice! Each night I lay in bed and just stare at my belly as you make it twitch and turn. Last night I even felt your little feet pressing against my hand!

Your Daddy is starting work on your nursery this weekend. We've picked a shade of soft grey for your walls, "Dolphin Fin" to be exact, and your bedding is being sewn by a dear family friend. Your Daddy will also be refinishing an armoire to hold all of your things, and the very rocking chair that his mother rocked him in when he was a baby. Something tells me that you and I are going to spend a lot of quality time in that chair! I am so excited to create a space for you in our home. We're going to be cozy, but I think it is going to be perfect.

As you can tell from the beginning of this letter, we still have not settled on your name. This has been one of the hardest parts of planning for your arrival! Finding a name that we both love and that has some meaning to us has been difficult. It isn't made any easier by the fact that your Daddy can think of every possible bad nickname that can be created from a name. He's already looking out for you, Buddy, don't you worry! We're determined to settle something in the next few weeks, and I can't wait to start calling you by name.

I'll be honest with you, baby. In the past few weeks I have started to feel a bit overwhelmed by what it is going to mean to be your mother. Because I love you so much already, I want so badly to be the best mother to you that I can possibly be. And that is an intimidating, daunting task that I know I cannot accomplish on my own. I'm going to need your Daddy, I'm going to need our families, I'm going to need my friends, but most of all I am going to need my Jesus. Because without Him, every good thing that I can offer you in this world means nothing. And that is what I am resting in as I prepare for this journey of motherhood. I hope that one day you can look back on your childhood and see a mother who loved you to pieces, but loved Jesus more. And I pray that you will come to know and love Him too.

Your Dad and I have been singing and dancing to this little song that has been popular in the past few months, and it sums up our feelings for you pretty well...

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet.

I might have to wait, I’ll never give up,
I guess it's half timin', and the other half's luck,
Wherever you are,Whenever it's right,
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazin',
And baby your love is gonna change me,
And now I can see every possibility

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet.

I can't wait to meet you, Little Man.

Love,
Mama