How Low Can You Go? Or, The Maternity Pant Dilemma

Part of the fun (and I use the term "fun" quite loosely here) of pregnancy is navigating the wide world of maternity wear. Let's discuss.

Maternity clothes are tricky. You must buy a bit before the battle of the bulge begins, because heaven forbid you wake up one morning and every pair of work-appropriate pants refuses to zip. However, there is no way of knowing how your body is going to grow and which kinds of clothes are going to best accomodate your baby hotel of a body. Sure, you should be able to just buy your pre-pregnancy size and be just fine, but it isn't quite so easy.

For example, in my first multi-item purchase from Old Navy maternity, I ordered a great pair of pants for work. When they arrived, I found that the hips and thighs fit just about perfectly, but that the belly was still bulging at my waist. So I put them in the closet, knowing that in a couple of months they would be just right.

Over the weekend, however, I tried on all of the clothes in my closet to figure out which non-maternity items were past their "Look! It still zips!" point and into their "Wow! I don't remember this being a crop top..." point. I pulled out that pair of Old Navy pants and was so sad to realize that I had missed their peak. That once huge belly is now just a tinsy bit snug, and I can probably only get a few weeks out of them before they more closely resemble sausage casing. Lesson learned.

Beyond size-estimation issues, there is the question of waistbands. Low rise, mid-rise, full-panel. The options abound. But I have discovered through trial and error that I have a fierce loyalty to the full-panel, unattractive as they may be on their own.

See these low-rise pants from Old Navy? They would love for you to believe that you could bust them out and still feel like your stylish, pre-pregnancy self. No elastic up to your bra line, no support panel. Just good old-fashioned pants.

But I am here to tell you that is a lie! These suckers might look adorable when you try them on, but consider this: now that you've added a soccer ball to your waistline, your hips are no longer the convenient shelf for holding up your britches. If anything, your hips are now smaller than your waist and completely worthless to you altogether. So sure, they'll look cute for about 30 minutes, but sit, squat, or walk about for a bit and you'll be hiking those suckers up for the rest of the day!

Before you know it, you'll have a severe complex, constantly fearing that in one fatal move your pants could be around your ankles, displaying your low rise maternity thong for all the world to see. While that would make a fantastic story for the blog, I don't think I could wish that on my worst enemy.

And let's not even get started on how the low- or mid-rise pants leave an attractive line across your belly under all but the most loosely flowing maternity tops, screaming "My Elastic Ends Here" to anyone who happens to glance at or touch your belly.

So, my friends, I must declare my unwavering devotion to the full-panel maternity pant.

Behold:

Sure, it's not the most attractive thing in the world. Yes, my coworkers have offered me $50 to come to work with my blouse tucked into my chest-high elastic waist (depending on how we make out at our baby showers, that just might be worth it.... ;) But they are there for you!

Gone are the days of chronic pant-hiking! Banished are the visible elastic lines! Your belly is swaddled in a snug little pouch of support, with nothing but a smooth bump to show off to the world.

To conclude, I must give an endorsement to Old Navy maternity. I have found that they have the most stylish selection at the most affordable prices and at a reasonably good quality for the price, especially for tops and dresses. Which leads to my second endorsement: maternity dresses are just smart. They are comfortable, versatile, and give you the most wear for the longest amount of time.

And rest assured that if I ever get the guts to tuck my top into my full-panel pants for profit, I will be sure to post a picture. But only after setting up a Pay-Pal account for your donations. ;)