Starting Over While Coming Home

I have been doing really well here in Oklahoma, surprising myself with how much I have enjoyed the various aspects of our little life here.  In many ways I know that is because God has changed my heart and brought contentment in my circumstances.  In other ways I know that it is because I redirect my mind pretty quickly when memories and longings for Memphis creep in.  I've been in survival mode as I get my little family settled in this "new" place, and I just haven't been able to let myself go there.  Thinking about the people, the places, and the memories that I miss are just a little too much for me to handle on most days.  

But today...man...it hit me hard.  Of all things, it was a trip to the pediatrician's office that put me over the edge.  Apparently I was not aware that our pediatrician's office in Memphis was the cream of the crop.  There I was with Rhett, visiting for his 4-month well check, in an old, bare waiting room before being led to an old, bare exam room.  No one gave me a cute little handout with his weight, height, and percentiles.  No fish tank and bright colors.  No cheery nurses.  I liked the doctor enough, but she was no Dr. Miller, who I always had to stop myself from inviting out for coffee after my appointment because she was just so darn great that I wanted to be friends.  

Riggins was with my mother-in-law for the day, so I headed off to Target.  When my shopping was finished and Rhett was still asleep, I had plenty of time to meet someone for lunch.  And that's when I realized that I didn't have anyone to call.  Sure, I have friends here, but Oklahoma City is so spread out that I have very few friends who are close enough to spontaneously meet for lunch.  Other friends are busy with jobs.  

And suddenly I was just sad.  Crying while driving sad.  I miss my cheery pediatrician's office.  I miss having friends who are always up for a last-minute date for lunch or the playground and who live close enough to do ss.  I miss having countless local restaurants within a five minute drive of my house.  I miss living in a pretty place with trees and color.  I miss Gibson's Donuts, Fino's, Central BBQ, Brother Juniper's, Memphis Pizza Cafe, and Cafe Eclectic.  I miss having three playgrounds, a coffee shop, and a beautiful university campus within walking distance of my house.  I miss seeing random characters walking down the street (or jaywalking, more likely) doing or carrying crazy stuff.  I miss so many things about that place and that season of life.  

But I love seeing old friends and family on a regular basis.  I love getting snow cones every other day (No good snow cones in Memphis.  And Memphians, don't bother telling me about Jerry's.  Been there.  Not impressed.)  I love that my husband is finally practicing optometry and loving it.  I love that Riggins is happy as a clam in this new place and that Rhett is so sweet and easy that he would be happy anywhere.  I love buying Braum's milk and seeing beautiful sunsets.  I love being around people with whom I have history.  

So it's not that Oklahoma isn't good.  It is.  It's just that our return to Oklahoma feels like starting over just as much as it feels like coming home, and today I was feeling the starting over part a bit more keenly.