Waiting

We are waiting.  I'm not sure what we're waiting for exactly, but we're waiting.  And that's ok.  It can often seem that we are living life from one event to the next.  A wedding, a baby, a move, a graduation, a new job, an accomplishment.  As soon as one event ends, we are looking forward to the next.  

I shared a few pictures of our itty bitty rental, but I haven't shared much about why we are here.  We always assumed that we would buy a home before moving to Oklahoma.  Last Spring, God made it very clear through both physical and spiritual circumstances that moving immediately into a home of our own was not to be.  First world concern though it may be, there was definitely a grieving process, a coming to terms with unmet expectations.  

As is always the case, God soon reveals a bit more of his plan, and we realized that this little rental house was meant to give us time and to reveal that the things we thought we wanted and needed might not be right for us after all.  With that realization, we expected God to quickly reveal his alternative.  And yet months and months of silence have followed.  No clear leading from the Lord.  No houses with potential on the market.  No firm sense of where we are headed.

For awhile, we worried that something was wrong, that we had missed His leading somehow.  That through our own desires or disobedience we had not heard Him clearly.  But the truth was that we were seeking Him and following Him in the only way we know how and that we had not missed a thing.  Around Christmas, the Lord pressed on both of our hearts that we are just waiting, and that is ok.  

Sometimes life involves waiting.  Waiting for big things.  Waiting for small things.  Waiting for babies or houses or relationships.  Waiting for who knows what.  Heck, at this point I don't really know what we are waiting for.  Are we waiting for that big pretty house in the perfect location for the perfect price?  For the little house in the neighborhood that we never imagined living in, but that we know is exactly where God wants us?  I have no idea.  

On one hand, I feel like our family is still lost in transition.  Try as I may to establish a sense of home and consistency in this little house, the transitory nature of our situation is constantly nagging.  The lack of community and any sort of permanence makes it difficult to feel truly at home here.  

On the other hand, I feel a tremendous sense of peace and contentment.  I know without a doubt that God has perfect plans for our family that he will accomplish in his own way and in his own time.  Any scheming or manipulating on my part robs God of glory and robs me of the absolute best God can provide.  At some point, he will reveal the next step.  We can place ourselves in the best possible position to receive that leading (being in communication with a realtor, receiving updates on new properties, getting our financial ducks in a row, etc.), but beyond that we wait.  

And here has been the biggest take-away during this season.  We don't just wait like we wait in the office of a doctor who is running late: tapping our feet, strumming our fingers, flitting about the Internet on our smartphones trying to be somewhere else.  We wait by living.  We live by thriving in the everyday realities of the life we are called to today.  It is too easy to say, "When we get settled in our real house, I will meet the neighbors/entertain/keep the best home I possibly can for my family."  If I am not faithful to do those things with what I have been given today, it is not likely that I will suddenly cultivate those habits in a different environment.  Living that way sends the message that what God has given me for today is not good enough or does not matter enough to be worth my effort.  That is a sinful attitude.  One that I fall into very often.  But I am learning and growing and changing and that's what matters.  

God has been so good to direct our paths to this point.  Psalm 106 tells of God's remarkable provision for the Israelites after they were brought out of Egypt.  Verse 13 says, "But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his plan to unfold."  We are clinging to the great things the Lord has done for us and the clear ways he has directed us in the past, and we peacefully wait to see his plan for our family unfold.