Saucers, Plates, and Platters

I had a conversation this morning that resembled many I have had before, and it reminded me of a lesson that I have been learning over the last several years.  The conversation centered on blogging, and a few well-known bloggers in particular who happen to have multiple children and a lot on their plates.

In this conversation, a statement was made that I have heard in some shape or form multiple times from multiple sources.  It went along these lines: "If she has four kids, what in the world is she doing blogging!?!"  Or cooking fancy meals.  Or teaching online classes through her blog.  Or crafting.  Or being involved in a ministry or activity outside of her home.  Or any other number of hobbies or involvements not related to the direct tasks of being a wife and mother.

And for some reason, that statement just grinds my gears a bit.  I'll give you two reasons why.

We all have twenty-four hours in a day, and even the busiest among us are entitled to a few little personal things in life that bring joy.  For some, that is blogging.  Or cooking.  Or crafting.  Or working. Or playing the harmonica.  Or photography.  Or running.  Or whatever!  Sure, having four kids probably makes life pretty full and hectic, but does that mean that a mother has to put every personal interest on hold for 25 years until her children have left the roost?  Of course not!  She would go positively insane.  We make time for what matters to us, and if someone gets a kick out of recording her life through a blog, even if that means she stays up a bit late after her kids go to bed to do so, then more power to her!  And for all those things a woman does add into her life, there is a laundry list of things that she has eliminated in order to accommodate that interest that is important to her.

This brings me to the main point of this post, that lesson I have been learning.  I believe that the origin of this idea in my head came from a Mark Driscoll sermon, but I've been chewing on it for so long now that I can't be sure.  Regardless, here's my point: People's plates are different sizes.  


We all love to use the phrases, "My plate is full," or "I've got too much on my plate right now."  And yet the big distinctive is that everyone's plate size is unique.  Some people have saucers.  Some people have platters.  Some people have dinner plates.  Failure to acknowledge these differences leads to frustration from both sides, and failure to accurately access your personal plate size leads to even bigger troubles.

People who have saucers look at people who have platters and say, "Who does she think she is, Miss Overachiever?  What business does she have doing x, y, and z when she is already doing a, b, and c?  She can't possibly be doing it all well.  She must be neglecting something!"

People who have platters look at people who have saucers and say, "Gosh, get with the program!  What do you mean you're 'so busy'?!  You're hardly doing anything!"

People who are delusional about their plate size end up letting people down or selling themselves short.

And so, it is important to realize how big your plate actually is, and to have the grace to realize that not everyone else's plate is the same size.  This realization has been so freeing to me in my relationships.

You may have guessed that my plate tends to be more of a platter.  As long as I can remember, I have thrived with a big, full plate.  I may have a few commitments outside of my home, and still make time to exercise, do some crafting, blogging, and cooking, because I enjoy those things and they are important to me.  When my plate gets too sparse, I get lazy and apathetic.  My tolerance for multiple commitments, interests, and investments tends to be pretty high, and I am at my best when I operate at that level.  I do know when my limit is reached, and I know when to say no and can relax with the best of them!  

I know others, however, who have saucers.  A small handful of commitments is enough for them to feel spread just thin enough, and their plate is full.  They are at their best when they operate at that level.  And that's ok too!

In conclusion, it all comes back to that great theme of life: we are all different, and our ability to be self-aware and others-aware will make or break our relationships.  Judging each other based on what we can or can't do will not get us anything but resentment and misunderstanding.  Acknowledging our personal limits and appreciating those of others brings understanding and respect.

So the next time you're tempted to write someone off as an overachieving Super Woman, just say to yourself, "My, what a lovely platter she has!"  Or the next time you're annoyed at that person for not pulling their weight, say "What an adorable little saucer!"  There is beauty in every dish, and plenty of room in the china cabinet.

(Please, groan at that last terrible sentence.  I just couldn't help myself!)

What size is your plate?