Instincts

As soon as I saw the two lines on that pregnancy test, my first thought was, "Its a boy."


And so I went through the first few weeks of my pregnancy in a starry-eyed daydream of a little boy in a miniature North Face fleece, loving on his momma, tagging along the hiking trails with his daddy, and playing with his best buddy, Weber.


But then Jonathan confessed that from the moment I told him the news, his gut said that it was a girl. Jonathan has always wanted boys and, truth be known, been terrified at the idea of having a daughter. This is largely due to his thorough awareness of the fact that he would be wrapped around the little finger of said daughter for all of eternity. And this, of course, is a legitimate fear. So the fact that he suddenly thought it was a girl was a remarkable feat for this husband of mine. He was sure of it, and his certainty made me question my initial instincts.


Not wanting to set myself up for the first onslaught of Mother's Guilt (OhmygoodnessIthoughtyouwereaboyandyou'reagirlandIhavenomaternalinstinctsandamafailureasamotheratonly4monthspregnant!!!)

I proceeded to squelch any inklings either way, and enjoyed a state of genuine contentment and excitment whether Baby Poe ended up being a boy or a girl. This made the whole process of going for "the" ultrasound much more fun and far less stressful than if my future success as a mother were hinging on the correct assumptions of my gut.


We arrived at the ultrasound and I nervously proceeded to tell my student's mother about a friend who was told "girl" at 16 weeks and then "boy" at her 19 week doctor's appointment. If it was a girl, I was prepared to say, "Show me the three lines!!!" She reassured me that she only calls it if she is certain.


And suddenly, there was our baby. On the screen. Sleeping. Heart whooshwhooshwhooshing. My heart whooshwhooshwhooshing along with the reminder that there really is a child inside me.


She pressed the censor into my belly, nudging the sleeping baby in hopes that he or she would cut the modesty and show us the goods.


Then, there were two legs. And she laughed. And said, "There's no doubt about it...Are you ready?"


It's a BOY!


And all I could do was laugh. As he scratched his little head, played with his tiny toes, all I could do was laugh with joy as I watched our son.


Looks like I have a bit of mother's instinct after all.


Jonathan has decided that his gut feeling was a subconscious attempt to prepare himself for the likelihood of having a daughter. He is thrilled to have a son, and he is thankful for the time that he though he had a daugher; it brought him to a place where he realized that he actually would be a good "girl dad." Maybe he'll have a chance to prove that someday.


But until then, he is planning many a hiking trip in those matching North Face fleeces...