I have a lot of time on my hands these days, partially due to the fact that I am unemployed, but also because Jonathan is studying just about all night every night. Yesterday he was able to study outside of the house for a bit, so we enjoyed the gorgeous afternoon by strolling through the neighborhood to Cafe Eclectic. Iced mocha for him, Izze for me, and later a cup of tea for each of us. He studied neuroanatomy (yikes!), I worked on my BSF lesson and read a bit from French Lessons. Twas lovely.
Unfortunately, most of Jonathan's study time requires him to be tucked away in his lair (aka, the guest bedroom/study) in total concentration (aka, no noise or conversation from yours truly). I have been trying to lay on the guestroom bed and read or watch episodes of tv shows on the laptop via headphones, just so that we can at least be in the same room.
Then I was thinking, I know that many of my faithful readers have been--or are currently being--the supportive spouse of a student. (Joe, Whitney B., Keely, Erin?...I know you're out there!). I hereby welcome any pointers on how you survived the long, neverending evenings and weekends of study time, or any other words of wisdom you have for playing cheerleader for the future MD/DO/PT/DDS/OD/Pharm., etc. in your life.
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7 comments:
Oh lady, if only you lived closer. I know exactly what you're talking about and I FEEL FOR YOU. I do the same thing that you mentioned - doing quiet things in the same room just so you can "be" together. And then there are other times where I simply can't take the silence, so I run off and do my own thing.
I just keep telling myself - it's only a few years....it's only a few years.
I also took up a few new hobbies that I know I woulnd't have done, had D not been in Medical School. I grabbed a friend and we did sewing classes last year and that took up a HUGE chunk of my time, because I loved it. I made about 293810 aprons. Errr...maybe not that many.
Um, make it a point to have at least one night a week that he doesn't even pick up a book. It's important and vital to have that one night alone without even TALKING about school. Since I work at the Medical School and know all of his classmates and such, it is easy to go out to dinner on our "date night" and talk about school the entire time. We banned that from our conversation on our nights, and it was fabulous.
Just remember that you are not in this alone! We understand completely and if you ever need to vent - my ears are wide open...and I'll vent along with ya! ;)
Now that I wrote a novel, I shall get back to work. Hang in there...it will only get better/easier for you BOTH. I promise.
Neuroanatomy is from the devil, I am pretty sure.
My secret? Lots of good books to keep me occupied, thereby keeping me from disturbing him; uh, a baby to keep me occupied, though that (Noah) did disturb him a bit; and lots and lots of blogging. Plus, my husband is the type to study in a room with the TV going and chatter all around him. I don't know how he did it, but he did.
My sister and her husband decided it was better for him to get studying done outside of the house so that when he was home, he was able to focus on her and the boys. Didn't work for us, but could work for you. Unless of course he never comes home. That would be bad.
Girl, been there, done that...and not a lot of fun! I did the same thing you're doing - lots of just being in the same room. Matt never minded me watching TV while he studied, and he usually had his laptop at the kitchen table to work since there was more "desk space" there than in the study, so I could even be cooking dinner and we could be chatting intermittently. :) I also had a weekly "girls night" with some friends. And yes, just like Keely, I became a blogging fiend!! OH, we also had Barnes & Noble dates - often! - where he would study and I would look at fun magazines and drink coffee. For real, we did that at least twice a week! Good luck; I'd love to say it'll all be over when he's out of school, but realistically work keeps them just as busy, just in a different way. If you can find a way to be happy during this time, you guys will fly into his career with no problems at all - that's the good news! :)
Oh, the days of being a grad school wife. I got to know the library, B&N and Starbucks WELL while Ryan was in school! One thing that worked well for us - we made a deal to have one date night a week, and I made plans with friends one night a week, ensuring an evening of total quiet in exchange for our date (cause you know I couldn't leave the man alone!) You might also check into getting a Blockbuster online membership - for only $10 a month, I get two movies in the mail and can exchange those movies in store, providing one "chick flick" a week to keep me entertained :) Good luck - just remember, this is only for a season, and it too, shall pass. . .
My husband is in medical school. Actually, I work with Whitney and our husbands are in the same class. It is so hard! I have had to learn to become unselfish. And that it is all about your expectations. If you have high expectations for date night or for dinner time conversations then you are likely to be disappointed. I have tried to immerse myself in random hobbies to occupy my time. T.V. has unfortunately become a huge part of my life! Sometimes I have to remind myself about how stressed out he is when maybe I am not getting my way. BUT he also has to be very willing to devote some time to just you. Neuro is NO fun! I have heard it gets better 3rd and 4th year, we will see...
As long as he is going to be happy and passionate about his life/job after this is over then it will be worth it!
I found your blog while browsing and find myself in a similar place as you- except my Hubby is not in medical school, he's studying to get his MBA. We are living in Virginia so that he can do so, but I've moved here away from all my family and friends. It gets kind of lonely at night (I am lucky to have a full time job during the day) with him so busy (tax season plus school in the spring is going to be even worse!), but like the other ladies have said, it definitely helps to have a hobby or hobbies. Fortunately for me, we've just moved into a new home and nesting keeps me busy. I try to do creative things too, like scrapbooking. I would say it also helps to look towards the outcome- gives you something to look forward to. Good luck and enjoy each moment you have- especially with him, because even though it stinks sometimes, you'll still want moments to remember from this time in your life.
I'll be back to visit your blog... and I've already written down your bread recipe to try! Thanks!
I read this post a while ago, and wanted to respond, but am just now getting around to it. Maybe it's coming too late since you now have a job (yay!) and won't have as much free time on your hands to deal with, but I'll share anyway. I've found that the best way for me to deal with him having to study ALL THE TIME is to trust that he DOES want to be with me and Rooke. I trust that he would trade all of his school work in for hang out time with us if he could. He's not holing up in our room or staying late at the library because he doesn't like us! And I know it's often harder for him than it is for me. I try the best I can to put myself in his shoes, work to understand and communicate understanding in what he is going through, and be gracious in my responses when he calls to say he'll be home later than planned because the reading is taking longer than he thought. It's hard, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not seeing it yet, but I know it's there!
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